The Boy Who Has No Hope (Soulless Book 6) Page 2

  She laughed at the question I’d asked. “Oh, I see my parents waaaaaay too much.” She put her purse on the floor between her legs. “I mean, I’m happy that I spend so much time with them, but sometimes it’s just a lot.”

  My parents always gave me space, even though they wanted to see me more often. I’d been busy this past year and hadn’t made family time a priority. It made me realize I should…because they wouldn’t always be around.

  “My parents live in the same building as I do.”

  I wanted to be closer to my parents, but not that close.

  She must have read my reaction because she laughed. “Yeah, I see them too much. They actually used to live with me until I started to work with you.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s a long story, but my parents basically needed help, and I’m an only child, so…”

  I didn’t know what to say.

  “But once my salary increased, I was able to get them their own apartment. Some might say it’s a waste of money, but it’s the best thing I’ve ever spent money on.” She chuckled, making a bad situation good even though that had to be incredibly frustrating.

  “That’s really selfless of you to take care of your parents like that.”

  She shrugged. “I disagree. They did everything they could to give me a good life, and now, it’s my turn to help them. And they still do a lot for me, so it’s not like they don’t pull their own weight. But yeah, really happy they have their own place…”

  “How long did you live with them?”

  She considered the question as she chewed on the inside of her cheek. “About four years.”

  Jesus.

  “Yeah…it was rough. But you know, that’s what families do. They stick it out—thick and thin.”

  Now I understood why she was such a patient person, because she was used to taking care of other people instead of herself. She knew how to handle me because it wasn’t her first time putting someone’s needs before her own. “I’m glad that you have your own space now. Must have been exhausting putting up with me all day and then taking care of someone else when you got home.”

  She looked out the window for a while, a soft smile on her lips. “I love working for you, Derek.” She turned back to me. “I wouldn’t put in these long hours if I didn’t love what I do. I never thought I could leave publishing and be happy, but this is even more fulfilling.”

  Two

  Emerson

  I worked in his corporate office for most of the day, organizing his paperwork. The majority of the stuff up here wasn’t related to his work at the other compound. It was material pertaining to the business, so it seemed even more important. At least I could read it and understand what it was, so it was easier for me to organize.

  I had a couple filing cabinets put in place, but I decided to scan these documents into his computer, organizing them in digital folders so if he wanted to go back and look at something that happened years into the past, it would be easy for him to find. He could even access the server from his laptop at home if he wasn’t in the office. Doing everything remotely, with firewalls, seemed to be the best option for him, since he never wanted to enter this office.

  When it was lunchtime, Ronnie took me somewhere to grab food. I always got lunch for him and myself too, as Derek insisted. I thought it was a good way to make Ronnie feel appreciated, since Derek wasn’t much of a talker.

  When I returned to Kelvin Industries, I drove the golf cart to the lab building and walked inside.

  Pierre spotted me. “Yes, she’s here.”

  “I was about to eat this electron displacer,” Jerome said.

  I smiled and carried everything to the table. “It’s interesting that you’re so hungry when you guys used to skip lunch altogether…”

  “Now we have something to look forward to.” Pierre winked as he grabbed his food.

  I looked past both of them to Derek, who was on the other side of the lab, his arms crossed over his chest in that sexy way, where his elbow rested on his other arm so his fingers could brush across his lips as he remained deep in thought. It always showed how hard and tight his body was, how he was just muscle with some skin on top. He must have shaved that morning because his jaw was nothing but smooth, the hard lines of his jawbone noticeable, but he still looked handsome as hell, especially with those eyes—

  Okay, knock it off.

  He’s your boss, Emmy.

  I took a deep breath and then let it all out.

  Good…like it never happened.

  I didn’t try to get Derek’s attention because he was obviously deep in thought, and I didn’t want to interrupt him.

  He continued to stand there and stare at the piece of machinery he was working on. He started to pace back and forth as he looked at it, his brows furrowed, his eyes focused. It was fascinating to watch him think, so that’s what I did.

  Pierre glanced over his shoulder and watched him. “He’ll probably skip lunch today. We’ve been having a lot of problems with this prototype. That’s what you get for pushing innovation to the limit. Fucking nerd…”

  My eyes moved back to his. “Excuse me? What did you just call him?”

  “What?” Pierre asked playfully. “I’m a nerd too.”

  “He’s not a nerd—and neither are you. You guys are working hard to change the future for everyone on this earth. You should show yourself more respect, and if you can’t, then you better show Derek that respect, because he’s the one working his ass off every hour of the clock while you’re home living your lives.”

  Pierre had the humility to bow his head as he ate. “Sorry…just a joke.”

  Jerome chuckled. “Man, she ripped you to pieces. I like that.”

  I grabbed my food. “You guys are all really special people who do something ninety-nine percent of humanity can’t do. Maybe you were called nerds when you were young, but you’re badass now. So just remember that.”

  Jerome nodded. “I like it.”

  “I’ve never heard a beautiful woman talk about us like that before.” Pierre nudged Jerome in the side. “Imagine if the rest of them were like that.”

  “Oh man.” Jerome shook his head. “I wish…”

  Derek eventually came to the table and grabbed his food. “Thanks for picking up lunch, Emerson.”

  “No problem.” I was afraid he would skip it because he was so focused. I’d rather see him eat, if only for his health. Part of my job, which wasn’t advertised, was taking care of him on a personal level, like making sure he had food in his stomach.

  “You’ve got a loyal girl here,” Jerome said. “Pierre was talking shit, and she stepped up.”

  I felt my cheeks grow warm.

  “I talk so much shit about Pierre, so we’re even.” Derek grabbed his sandwich and took a bite, making a joke instead of taking it seriously.

  “Wait, what?” Pierre asked. “All I did was call you a nerd. What are you talking about?”

  Derek shrugged then turned to me. “That’s not offensive, by the way. We’re all nerds.”

  “That’s not how I see you guys at all,” I said. “It’s a derogatory term.”

  He gave a slight smile before he went back to eating. “Thanks for having my back anyway.”

  I liked spending time with the guys, but I knew I couldn’t get too chummy with them. It would cross the line from coworkers to friends, so I wanted to have some professional distance. Because I wasn’t one of them. I took my food and walked into the office so I could let them talk about the mumbo jumbo I couldn’t understand.

  When I sat on the couch, Derek walked inside with his food and joined me. He sat across from me.

  I was surprised to see him there, but I didn’t question it. He’d been on his feet all day, and maybe he just wanted to relax on the comfy couch.

  He put a few chips in his mouth and chewed. “How’s it going over there?”

  “Well, it’s a bit lonely without listening to you guys scream at one another, set
something on fire, and then cheer when things go right…”

  He chuckled. “Turn on the radio.”

  I chuckled at his comeback. “Still not as interesting.”

  He took another bite of his sandwich.

  “How are things going on your propulsion…thing?” I listened to every word he said, but it was hard to remember all the details because I didn’t understand the science aspect. I could rarely remember the name.

  He shrugged. “It’s rough.”

  “I’m sure you can figure it out, Derek.”

  “I’m not worried about figuring it out. But rocket science is different from all other fields because you can’t push your work through a simulator and get results, punch it into a computer and have your software check everything. The only real way to know if it’ll work is to launch the rocket. It’s like launching software without a single bug—practically impossible.” He bit into his sandwich again.

  I’d never thought about it that way before. “Wow, that is rough.”

  He shrugged as he chewed. “Perfection is next to godliness…and I’m no god.”

  “Well, you look like one.”

  His eyes moved to my face.

  I didn’t even realize what I’d said until it was too late. “I mean…you’re pretty close.”

  Derek didn’t seem to read into what I said and brushed it off. “So, the office?”

  “I filed a lot of your paperwork and scanned it into a private server. That way, you can go through everything by month and year. I kept the hard copies, but having digital versions is just easier for you since you’re never at the office.”

  “What if someone hacks in to it?”

  “I hired a programmer from MIT to make sure that doesn’t happen. He said the firewalls are impenetrable.”

  He paused before he took another bite, looking at me like he was impressed by my work.

  “I’ll give you the username and password later. You’re the only one with access. But I recommend you establish a second username for Lily or me, with restrictions, so we can pull data if we ever need to do something for you.”

  He remained quiet. With that intense look on his face, he was impossible to read because his mind was working furiously.

  “There was something else—”

  “You did well, Emerson. Thank you.” He forced the words out of his mouth, as if he had to compel himself to show his manners, as if it wasn’t intuitive to him at all.

  “You’re welcome, Derek.”

  “I’m sorry… What were you saying?”

  Since he was so hard and callous, it made his gratitude more meaningful because he wouldn’t express it unless he really felt that way. The bad made the good even better. “I was looking at your website, and you’ve made it pretty much impossible to get in touch with you.”

  “Intentionally.”

  “But what do you do about publicity requests? I’m sure there’re a lot of people who want to interview you about your work. A TED Talk. Something like that.”

  “Not interested.”

  “Why?”

  “Does it matter?” He finished one half of his sandwich then wiped his fingers with a napkin. He leaned back into the couch, his knees spread apart, his shoulders muscular and broad.

  “It does to me.”

  His eyes were locked on to mine.

  “I would never pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do. I’m simply asking as your friend.”

  Another long stretch of silence passed, and it felt like he would hold it forever. Then he leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees. He looked at the floor for a while before he composed his answer in his head. “I work as hard as I do for myself, not for the fame or glory. I have no vanity. No ego.”

  “Doing interviews wouldn’t make you egotistical.”

  “But I don’t like the attention. I don’t want to sit there while someone interrogates me—”

  “It’s not an interrogation.”

  “And I know the whole rocket thing is going to come up…and I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Now we finally got to the truth.

  “I don’t like people. I get along with people I work with because our minds are the same. I get along with my family because we’re family. And I get along with you…because you were patient enough to put up with me and get past all my rough edges. But public appearances and talk shows…not for me.” He grabbed the other half of his sandwich and leaned back so he could eat it, holding it in a single hand while his elbow was propped on the armrest.

  “I have a counterargument to that…if you’re willing to listen.”

  “It’s not going to change my mind, but you’re free to spend your time how you choose, even if that means wasting it.”

  He was back to his asshole ways. “Whenever I hear you talk about your work, I can feel your passion and your commitment. I’m not going to head back to school to be an engineer, but it’s inspiring. We live in a world where all people care about is becoming rich, as if that will make them happy. You’re an example of dedicating your life to something, while being indifferent to the monetary gain. It’s incredibly inspiring. You’re an exceptional role model to people everywhere, especially young people, and if you could influence those people to go into science, you’d be impacting the world on a greater scale, which is exactly what you want.”

  He continued to wear his steely gaze.

  “I think you should consider it, Derek. You have no idea how fascinated people will be with the words that come out of your mouth. All kinds of people. When you were a boy, was there someone you looked up to?”

  His steely gaze faltered slightly.

  “Someone whom you read every book about, watched every interview, someone who inspired you to reach these unbelievable heights?”

  “There were a few. But the person who inspired me the most…is my father.”

  I couldn’t stop my eyes from softening. “Because you got the opportunity to see his work ethic, to listen to him discuss his research, to see someone so altruistically dedicated to doing good in the world. What if he hadn’t done that? Where would you be now?”

  The only response he gave was a shrug.

  “I can help you with this, Derek. We can practice with potential topics. We can even ask the interviewer for the questions ahead of time so we can go through them together. We can work on the way you respond to things.”

  He dropped his gaze. “You of all people should know I’m a shitty conversationalist.”

  “You aren’t when you let your walls down.”

  “Well, I’m not going to do that with strangers. If anything, people are going to hate me instead of being inspired.”

  I shook my head because I knew that wasn’t true. “Derek, I watch you own that classroom two times a week. I see your confidence, the way you command respect from every single person in that room. I also see the way you care, even when you aren’t saying particularly kind words. Those things will carry over once you discuss your work. Derek, the world is going to love you. Stop hiding from it.”

  He held his sandwich but didn’t take another bite, taking the time to actually consider what I said. “They’re going to talk about the Odyssey—”

  “You did nothing wrong, Derek. You tried to stop it—”

  “Doesn’t mean I ever want to talk about it.”

  “We can ask the interviewer not to mention it.”

  “And if they do it anyway?”

  “You can always refuse to answer it, Derek. Remember, you’re in control. They’re asking the questions, but you always have the power not to answer. But…I don’t think it would be terrible if you did talk about it. Maybe talking about it will make you feel—”

  “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but this is something you’ll never understand.” His tone deepened, and now he didn’t look me in the eye. “You have no idea the weight that I carry. You have no idea the nightmares that haunt me. You have no idea what it’s like to
fucking build something that kills five goddamn people.” He rose to his feet then looked at me, his eyes furious, his jaw so tight it looked like he might shatter his teeth. “Don’t fucking sit there and tell me that talking about it will make me feel better. Five American heroes are dead because—”

  “Derek, it’s okay…” I rose to my feet and raised my hands slightly, keeping my tone soft to dissolve all his anger and pain. I could see the tears forming in his eyes, the harsh frustration he felt at being provoked like this. “I’m sorry, alright? I’m sorry…”

  He turned away, his hands moving to his hips. He faced the bookshelves behind his desk, as if he needed a moment to calm himself, to bring his breathing back to normal.

  I listened to those heavy breaths, and just the sound showed his pain, showed the demons trying to claw out of his chest. It broke my heart, to see the invisible weight that was so heavy it might break his back.

  I moved closer to him then positioned myself in front of him.

  He tried to turn away, to hide his wet eyes.

  I quickly wrapped my arms around him and rested my face against his chest, my cheek turned so I couldn’t see his face. In my high heels, our heights were compatible, but he was still enormous in comparison. My arms moved around his waist and snaked up his back, feeling the hard muscles of his body for the first time, feeling just how rock hard he was.

  Instead of pushing me off, he stood there, his hands staying on his hips. His chest rose and fell quickly, but the longer I held him, the more his breaths decreased. He hesitated before his arms wrapped around me in return, his enormous hands taking up my entire back as he slid them across my waist. His arms glided over my blouse until his big hug stilled, holding me tight against him like this was exactly what he needed without realizing it.

  His breathing continued to slow.

  Slower.

  And slower.

  When he inhaled a deep breath, he’d returned to the state of calm he’d exuded before I’d provoked him. But he continued to hold on to me, like affection was so rare for him that he wanted to soak it all in.