The Doctor Who Has No Ambition (Soulless Book 9) Read online

  “Yeah.” She looked at her computer again. “Wish we had more time with her. If only he’d met Emerson sooner…”

  “Yeah, Emerson is the man.”

  She chuckled.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I do. She’s great for Derek. Couldn’t have asked for anyone better.”

  I grabbed an energy bar off my desk and started to eat it. “So, what am I doing tomorrow?”

  “Well, I have that event on Saturday night, so I’m going to need you to pick up the flowers, the decorations, the imported wine—”

  “Basically, run around like a chicken with its head chopped off.”

  “You could say that,” she said with a laugh. “Sicily is going to join us. I want you guys to show her the ropes and let her help out whenever it’s appropriate. I can tell she’s a smart girl. But she’s also a perfectionist and she overthinks things, so she’s a little timid to just jump in.”

  She was right on the money, which was incredible considering the fact that she wasn’t around Sicily often. She didn’t really ask our opinions about one another, so I didn’t know what data she relied on. She was just superwoman. “You’re right.”

  “So, give her a nudge, you know?”

  I gave her a thumbs-up. “You got it, boss.”

  “You seem down.” I sat across from Derek at the bar and enjoyed my usual IPA. But he ordered a scotch, which he rarely did these days. His driver dropped him off on the way back from Jersey and then took Emerson home, where she would meet the nanny with the boys.

  “Because I am.” He watched the liquid as he swirled it before bringing the glass to his lips and tilting it back to take a drink.

  “Something going on with Emerson?” They had two really young kids, and their lives were a little more hectic than usual. That was bound to take a toll on anyone, but anytime I saw them together, they still clearly loved each other. And apparently, they fucked on his desk all the time in his office, so everything seemed good in that neck of the woods.

  “No.” He took another drink before he set the glass down. “It’s Liz.”

  “Yeah?”

  “It’s just really hit me lately that she’s moving out and everything is changing, and it’s been hard.”

  “She won’t actually leave until next fall, man.”

  “I know. But now I’ll be dreading that day until it happens.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that because I couldn’t put my feet in his shoes. My only experience was seeing how sad my parents were when I moved away to college. They were proud, but they also cried their eyes out.

  He stared down at his glass and didn’t take a drink. “Little Deacon and Cam are perfect, but they’re too young right now for me to really develop a bond the way I have with Lizzie. She’s not my biological daughter, but I feel like she’s my firstborn and I just have all this pain because I feel like I didn’t have enough time with her.” He placed his palm over his chest and absentmindedly rubbed the area over his heart, like he really did have a physical pain there. “It’s not fair and I’m a bit angry, but I don’t know who to be angry at.”

  “I’m sorry, man.”

  “Yeah, it’s rough. Emerson is having a hard time with it too, but not as bad as I am. She held her as a baby, and I didn’t get that honor.”

  My brother didn’t say things like this often, so it resonated with me now. I could feel his pain absorb into my skin, and I wished I could say something to make him feel better, but nothing ever really could. “She’ll be away at college for a few years, but she’ll come back, and you’ll get to have a completely different kind of relationship with her. She wants to work for you, which means you’ll get to see her every day and watch her grow in a whole new way. And you also have the luxury of having a special kind of relationship with her that you won’t have with the boys because of her age. You’ll get to enjoy more time with her as an adult. That’s pretty special.”

  He nodded slightly. “Yeah, I guess that’s a good way to put it.”

  “You’ll be colleagues. That’s amazing too.”

  He nodded again.

  “There’s a lot to look forward to, man. And you’ll be a grandparent at a young age, so that’s really cool. You’ll be a grandfather at forty.”

  “Ugh.” He dragged his hands down his face. “That would mean Lizzie would be married or be in a serious relationship with a guy, and there’s no guy on this planet good enough for her. I don’t know what I’m going to do when she introduces me to someone. I’ve never cared about Daisy’s personal life and I don’t have a misogynistic outlook on life in general, but the idea of some guy breaking Lizzie’s heart…makes me want to kill something.”

  I’d never had a physical injury or disappointment that was nearly as painful as my wife leaving me. It was the kind of scar that would always be there, a chip on my shoulder that everyone could see. “Heartbreak is a part of life.”

  He kept his eyes down. “Yeah.”

  I drank from my beer and tried to push those thoughts from my mind.

  After a long stretch of silence, he lifted his gaze and looked at me. “Dad told me he tried to talk to you—”

  “No. We aren’t doing this.” I shut him down quickly because I wasn’t interested in a repeat conversation. “It’s done. Let’s move on.”

  Derek stared at me for a while, the silence lasting an eternity. “I get it. You don’t want to talk about it. That’s fine. But I’ve got to say at least one thing to you, alright? Let me say my piece, and I’ll leave you alone.”

  I inhaled an exaggerated breath.

  “You know what happened to me after the Kevin and Tabitha fiasco. Ten years wasted. Ten years spent in anger and resentment. I met the woman I’m supposed to be with, and I almost lost her for good because I let the past become my present. Don’t repeat my mistakes, Dex. You were one of the people trying to talk some sense into me then. I didn’t listen, and I should have.”

  “It’s not the same thing, man.”

  “I know.” His voice turned gentle, like he felt my pain the way I felt his pain. “Take the time you need to get back to a good place. Everyone is different. But it seems like you aren’t working toward getting better. You’re running from it, and that’s just going to waste more time.”

  I grabbed my bottle and took another drink, deflecting everything he said in silence. “Are we done now?”

  Derek couldn’t hide his look of disappointment that his message literally made no difference. But he didn’t try again. He let it go. “What’s new at work? Mom said you guys hired a new person.”

  I was grateful the subject had been changed. “Yeah. She’s super sexy.” I switched right back into my prior mood, wanting to keep the conversation light and pretend that it hadn’t just gotten dark and serious a moment ago.

  He chuckled slightly. “Mom didn’t mention that part. And you think all women are sexy.”

  “Well, they usually are,” I said in my defense. “But she’s, like, beautiful sexy.”

  “Go for it.”

  “Nah,” I said quickly. “Not my thing.”

  He cocked an eyebrow. “Because you work together?”

  “I guess. But you know, I just want a fun night and nothing more. And she doesn’t strike me as that kind of lady. I get a lot of tail all the time, so there’s no reason to go after it at work. Don’t shit where you eat, right?”

  “Good point.”

  “Speaking of which…” I watched the waitress come over and place a beer in front of me.

  “From the lady at the bar.” She walked away.

  I looked past her to see a brunette give me a playful wave.

  I raised my beer and shot her a wink. “Well, sorry to leave you high and dry, but I’m about to get deep and wet.” I grabbed the new beer as I rose to my feet and gave him a clap on the back.

  He raised his beer then clinked it against mine. “Have fun.”

  “Oh, I will.”

  7

&
nbsp; Sicily

  I put on my cocktail dress even though I’d be running around for a few hours before the party even began. One of the clients in the building was holding a charity gala, and a lot of high-profile politicians were supposed to attend. Everything had to go perfectly—even though I had no experience at all.

  I grabbed my purse and opened the door to leave, and I came face-to-face with Vince.

  I’d been so busy at my new job that I didn’t have a lot of spare time to think about him, and that had helped numb the heartbreak and guilt. But the second I looked at him again, I was pissed as if it had just happened. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

  He wore an apologetic expression, and it seemed like he was about to get on his knees and beg. “Just talk to me. Let me explain—”

  I shut the door behind me and locked it. “There’s no need. You’re married. Boom, I got it.” I stormed off, gliding in my heels because now I was used to wearing them all the time. “I’m pretty bright, you know?”

  He came after me. “I know I dropped a lot on you last week, and I thought—”

  “You thought wrong.” I jammed my finger into the button so the elevator would come to my floor. “No amount of time or space will change the circumstances. You’re a married man. Married. Maybe marriage means something different to you than it does to me, and if that’s the case, then we’re incompatible. Because I would never want to be with a man who would cheat on his wife, who wouldn’t bust his ass for that relationship, who would find a weak excuse to justify his disgusting behavior. I’m ashamed I was ever part of this, and I’m furious that you lied to me. There is no scenario where you and I get back together. There is no scenario where I stop hating you. Hate is such a strong word, but it’s appropriate because you’re literally the embodiment of everything I hate. You’re a cheater. You’re a liar. You’re a coward.” The doors opened, so I took the perfect opportunity to make my dramatic exit. The timing couldn’t be better. It was like a scene in a movie, but not a movie I wanted to star in. “So just fuck off.” I turned around and flipped him the bird as the doors closed.

  We were at the Four Seasons in one of the ballrooms, adding streams of ribbon, candles, flowers, layer after layer of decoration. And it wasn’t simple decorations like you would see at a birthday party.

  This looked like a party for the Oscars or something.

  Cleo had been there all day, working since the morning, and we continued to bring in more things and put the room together.

  I was a bit distracted because I kept thinking about Vince’s appearance on my doorstep. He was a part of my life I just wanted to forget. I’d give anything to erase it altogether and start over.

  I turned around and accidentally bumped into Cleo. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” I grabbed the large wax candle she was holding so it wouldn’t tip over and land on the floor. “That was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention.”

  “It’s fine, honey. No harm done.” Her head stayed in the game because she was so focused. “Could you grab those other candles and follow me to the table?”

  “On it.” I grabbed two and followed her to the dessert table where she was arranging everything to give it a beautiful ambiance, the gentle light accenting the glow from the chandeliers up above.

  She took the candles and set them in place. “Is everything alright? Your mind seems to be elsewhere tonight.”

  God, was I making it that obvious? “Everything’s fine. I don’t mean to come off that way.”

  She straightened and looked at me across the table as if she could see right through me. “I’m the mother of three kids. I know when something is wrong. And it’s okay if something is wrong.”

  Was she a boss or the kindest person? “Vince and I…had words.”

  “Are the hours affecting your relationship?”

  “No, nothing like that.” I looked past her and saw everyone else working, saw Dex and Matt moving the heavier stuff to finalize setup. They worked like ants, hustling, and every time I asked a question, they were happy to answer. They were the best coworkers I’d ever had.

  Cleo stopped what she was doing altogether and just stared at me. “Come on, you can talk to me.”

  “No. I know we’re on a time crunch right now—”

  “And you know how much more efficient you would be if you got this off your chest?” She came around the table and placed her arm around my shoulders to give me an affectionate squeeze. “When he didn’t propose last weekend, I knew there was trouble in paradise.”

  “Well…” I dropped my gaze in shame. “I found out he was married.”

  There was a long pause before she released a deep sigh. “Oh no.”

  “And then he said he wanted to leave his wife for me, he had a ring, it was just a fucking nightmare.” I took a deep breath so my eyes wouldn’t water. “I just feel…so sick. I’m hurt that I loved this guy and it was a lie, but it hurts so much more to know I was the other woman, that he has a family, that I was so stupid that I had no idea. I just…hate myself.”

  “Sweetheart, shh.” She rubbed my arm and pulled me close for a hug like she knew I needed one. “Don’t hate yourself, alright? You had no idea. It happens. And you know who it happens to?” She pulled away and looked into my eyes, giving both of my arms a squeeze. “Good people. Because good people don’t think that way. They don’t lie, so they don’t know when someone’s lying. They don’t cheat, so they don’t know when someone’s cheating. They’re innocent and naïve because they’re so good. So, don’t let him make you feel bad, when you’re not bad at all. Once you knew the truth, you walked away. You did the right thing.”

  I nodded, feeling my eyes water slightly, but I kept the emotion back because I didn’t want to ruin my makeup before the event. “I just feel so stupid, you know?”

  “I do know,” she said quietly. “I wish I didn’t.”

  “What?” I grabbed a napkin off the table and gently dabbed the corners of my eyes so the makeup wouldn’t run.

  “Remember that client I told you about?” she asked. “The one I had a relationship with?”

  I nodded.

  “Well, I found out he was married. And I found out in a really terrible way. We were together in his bedroom, and his wife walked in.”

  I cupped my mouth. “Oh my god.”

  “Yeah,” she said with a laugh. “Not only did I feel betrayed, but I felt so terrible. He was my client and it was my job to know everything about him, so how did I not know he had a wife? It was unacceptable, and I hated myself for it for quite a while. I was so ashamed. It took a very long time for me to be able to forgive myself. It’s easy to forgive other people, but it’s impossible to forgive yourself sometimes. But that’s what you need to do. Forgive yourself. Love yourself.”

  I could have said that to myself, but it wouldn’t have had any effect. But when it came from her, it did make me feel better. It helped me get through it, helped me learn to let it go. “Thank you.”

  She pulled me in for a hug and held me for a while. “You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

  “You remind me of my mom.”

  She chuckled as she rubbed my back. “I take that as a compliment.” She pulled away and gave me a warm smile. “Ready to get back to work?”

  I nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Let’s do it, girl.”

  Once the party was in full swing, we faded into the background. Cleo kept the show running smoothly by directing people, giving our client information about the other guests in his ear, kept everyone on schedule, so he didn’t have to think twice about it. Sometimes she would give us orders to do things, and we sprang into action.

  I was standing in the rear, watching everything unfold, when Dex came over with a glass of champagne. “You look like you could use a drink.”

  I took the flute and gave him a smile. “Are we allowed to drink on the job?”

  “Allowed?” He tilted his head back and let the bubbles slide into his mouth. “We’re encouraged
to drink.” He gently tapped his glass against mine. “Bottoms up.”

  I took a drink then licked my lips. “Ooh, I can tell this is some expensive shit.”

  “Oh yeah, it’s smooth.” He took another drink then stood there with one hand in the pocket of his pants. He was in slacks and a collared shirt with a tie, his musculature even more obvious than usual. He carried his strong body with perfect posture, and he was easily the most handsome man in the room, the ladies staring at him as they passed. “So, you doing okay? I saw that mom hug earlier.”

  “Mom hug?”

  “When Cleo does that, I know she’s in mom mode.”

  “She’s given you a mom hug?”

  He chuckled before he took another drink. “Oh, you have no idea.”

  “I just had some drama right before I came here, and she could tell something was bothering me. We had a job to do and we were on a time crunch, but she stopped what she was doing to talk to me. How many people are like that?”

  He shook his head. “She’s one of a kind.”

  “And she’s my boss. If anything, she should be pissed that I don’t have my shit together.”

  “Yeah, but she’s a good boss, not an asshole boss. She’s the kind of person that constantly looks out for other people. It’s like her personal responsibility to take care of other people. I don’t know, but that’s just how she is.”

  “Sounds like she’s an angel or something.”

  “A saint, really.” He continued to scan the party in case something was needed. “I don’t mean to pry, but do you want to talk about it?”

  I hardly knew the guy, but I’d liked him from the moment we met, and it already seemed like he was my friend. I was instantly comfortable with him, and I already knew he wouldn’t judge me for what I was about to say. “I was seeing this guy for a while, and last weekend, I thought he was going to propose. Instead, he told me he was married and intended to leave his wife for me.”

  He slowly turned his head to look at me, the shocked expression on his face conveying every thought he had through silence.