The Boy Who Has No Belief (Soulless Book 7) Read online

  When he noticed me, his eyes narrowed appreciatively, a slight smile moving onto his lips—as if he liked what he saw.

  My heart grew three sizes when I looked at him, when I looked at the gorgeous man standing there waiting for me to reach him, ignorant of all the people who stared at him the way he stared at me.

  How did I get so lucky?

  I didn’t believe things happened for a reason, but now I wasn’t so sure anymore.

  I reached him, my heart in my mouth, my fingertips numb because he made me weak. “Hey.”

  His eyes softened as his arms slid around me. “Baby.” His large arms hooked around my waist, giving me a big hug, and he pulled me in close as he planted a kiss on my lips, smothering me with his affection and warmth.

  I melted like a piece of chocolate placed on your tongue.

  When he pulled away, he left one arm around my waist. “I like that dress.”

  “Thanks.”

  He took me into the restaurant and guided me to where his friends sat, both of them grinning as if they’d watched us embrace outside. The man with brown hair and blue eyes had his arm over the back of her chair affectionately. His fiancée had blond hair and green eyes, and she seemed like a kind person just from the look of her.

  Derek moved first. “Ryan, Camille, this is Emerson.”

  Ryan got out of his chair and extended his hand. “Nice to meet you. We’ve heard so much about you—like, a lot.”

  I chuckled, grateful that he’d made a joke to make me more comfortable. It was probably obvious I was nervous. I hadn’t met a boyfriend’s friends as an adult…ever. “Nice to meet you too. And congratulations.”

  “Thank you,” he said. “She was thrilled to tie me down for good.”

  Camille rolled her eyes as she came to me and opened her arms for a hug. “He’s already been tied down, and he knows it…pussy-whipped.”

  I chuckled as I hugged her. When I pulled away, I looked at her ring. “Wow, that’s beautiful.”

  “Thank you,” she said as she smiled. “He did a good job.”

  “A good job?” Ryan asked incredulously. “It took me ten years to save up for that thing.”

  “And it was worth it.” She kissed him before she moved back to her chair.

  With a smile on his face, Derek pulled out the chair for me. “Baby?”

  I sat down and felt him push in my chair then watched him take the seat beside me. With both of them staring at me, I felt nervous again. They seemed friendly and they probably already knew about Lizzie, so I had nothing to be nervous about, but it was unavoidable.

  “So…” Camille looked back and forth between us. “You guys look cute together.”

  “Because we are.” Derek moved his hand to my thigh under the table, his fingers grabbing me possessively.

  I smiled and placed my hand on his.

  “Derek Hamilton has settled down,” Ryan said. “Never thought it would happen…”

  Derek didn’t refute the claim. “I didn’t either, so that makes two of us.” He reached for the bottle of wine and filled our glasses.

  “So, you still want to spend time with him after dealing with him all day?” Camille asked. “He’s gotta be a huge pain in the ass.”

  “He can be sometimes,” I said honestly. “But it’s really sexy watching him work so hard, teach classes, be so passionate about his work…”

  His hand squeezed my thigh a little harder.

  “And you know,” I said as a joke, “he pays me enough to deal with him all day.”

  Camille chuckled. “There we go.” She grabbed her glass and took a drink.

  “So, you guys have been friends since high school?” I asked.

  “Yes,” Ryan answered. We all went to private school together from the beginning.”

  “Wow,” I said. “So, you’ve known one another a really long time.”

  “Yep,” Camille said. “From daring one another to eat bugs to winter formal, we were there for all of that.”

  “Who dared whom to eat bugs?” I asked.

  “I can’t remember exactly,” Ryan said as he considered the question. “I think I dared Derek, or did Derek dare me?”

  “Kevin dared me, and then I dared you,” Derek said. “It turned into a cult.”

  “Oh yeah, that’s right,” Ryan said with a chuckle. “Yeah, we ate lots of bugs until we found something better to do.”

  “So, when are you guys getting married?” I asked.

  “Well, I spent pretty much everything on that rock she’s wearing.” Ryan nodded at her hand. “So, we’ll probably just do something small, something affordable.”

  “Yeah,” Camille said. “As long as I get the dress I want, I don’t care where we get married. Maybe do something in the park. We’re just gonna dance and get drunk and eat cake, so we don’t need anything classy.”

  “That sounds good to me.” I picked up my glass of wine and took a drink.

  When the waiter came over, we put in our orders and then went back to talking.

  “So, have any embarrassing stories about Derek to share?” I asked.

  “More embarrassing than how he acts on a daily basis?” Camille teased. “Not really. Derek is a very…what you see is what you get kind of guy.”

  Derek didn’t argue against that. He wasn’t very talkative, not even with his friends. That was just how he was, even around the people he was most comfortable with. “And a good friend always keeps their secrets.”

  Camille zipped her lips.

  “Derek is doing a book signing next week,” I said. “In Times Square.”

  “This guy?” Ryan pointed at him. “Derek Hamilton?”

  “Yes,” I said proudly. “And he’s going to be great.”

  “This guy?” Ryan repeated. “We can barely get him to say two words most of the time—and that’s with us.”

  “He’s breaking out of his shell,” I said. “Did you see his TED Talk?”

  Ryan and Camille both stared at him in shock.

  “Guess not…” Of course Derek didn’t tell them.

  Camille pulled out her phone and pulled up YouTube. Ryan leaned over to look at the screen.

  Derek turned to me, his eyes narrowed. “Thanks…”

  “I figured you told your best friends,” I said. “Why wouldn’t you?”

  “Aww, he looks so cute,” Camille said as she watched. “But who wears a hoodie to an interview?”

  “God, you’re such a nerd,” Ryan teased. “I don’t even understand what you’re saying…”

  Derek looked at me again. “That’s why.”

  We said goodbye outside the restaurant.

  “It was so lovely to meet you,” Camille said. “Now that Derek has a woman, we can go on double dates and do so many fun things.”

  “So, you only want to hang out with me if I have a girlfriend?” Derek teased.

  She shrugged. “I mean…it helps.”

  Derek rolled his eyes.

  “No one likes a third wheel,” Ryan said.

  Derek turned to me. “My friends are assholes.”

  “You’re an asshole too,” Camille said. “That’s why we’ve been friends so long.”

  We said our goodbyes, and then they walked away together, his arm around her shoulders.

  I turned back to Derek. “Well, they were nice. I wondered if they would be stuffy and studious like you.”

  “Stuffy?” he asked, his eyebrow raised.

  “Come on, we both know you can be a little stuffy. But your friends are nice.”

  His arm moved around my waist.

  “They’re more like my kind of people. You know, normal.”

  “I’m not normal. Does that mean I’m not your kind of people?”

  “You’re an exception. A good exception.”

  He pulled back his sleeve and looked at his watch. “You want to come over?”

  “I do, but Lizzie asked me to pick her up something. I can’t wait too long. Otherwise, she’ll be in
bed.” Knowing he rearranged his schedule to spend time with me made me feel bad because that indicated that he didn’t like sharing me with my daughter, that we didn’t spend enough time together, that he wanted me out late so we could enjoy our evening.

  But he didn’t show his annoyance. “Alright.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I understand.”

  Sometimes I worried he would get frustrated with the arrangement and leave me, but he loved me, so he would be patient. And since he loved me, he might meet Lizzie sooner. Because if he met her, we wouldn’t have to do this anymore.

  “Well, I’ll see you on Monday.”

  His arm stayed around my waist. “I’ll go with you.”

  “Derek, you don’t have to do that—”

  “I don’t mind. I want to be with you—regardless of what we do.”

  I grabbed her a burger, fries, and a milk shake.

  “Did she do well on her tests this week?” He walked beside me as we headed to my apartment.

  “No. She just gets tired of my mother’s cooking. I don’t let her eat out often, only once in a while. It’s a special treat.” I remembered what Cleo said, and I decided to segue into it since the opportunity presented itself. “She really struggles with math and science, actually. She’s like me, prefers the social sciences. She’s doing geometry right now and she asks for help, but I barely passed geometry at that age and I understand it even less now.” I held her bag of food in one hand and the milk shake in the other.

  Derek didn’t say anything.

  I was hoping he would volunteer himself, but tutoring a twelve-year-old in basic math was probably not at all interesting to him.

  “Have you considered getting her a tutor?”

  “We’ve tried before, but she still doesn’t get it. And honestly, I feel like the tutors just teach from the textbook, so it’s not any different from the teacher in the classroom. Then she’s getting the same instruction twice—which is pointless.” It would be helpful to have someone teach her in a different way, the way Derek approached things, doing something different than a stuffy textbook. It would be nice if he offered, not just so he would spend time with Lizzie, but because he would probably be extremely helpful. “But she’ll be fine. She’ll figure it out.”

  “Most teachers don’t even understand what they’re teaching that well. They barely pass their own exams and are somehow qualified to teach other people. I never use textbooks in my classroom because I feel like they aren’t good enough. That’s why I create my own problems and my own worksheets.”

  He would truly be a godsend for Lizzie. But I would never put him on the spot and directly ask.

  “Private tutors are usually better.”

  “How much does that cost?”

  He shrugged. “Not sure. But I know they aren’t cheap.”

  I was making more money now, but I was really stashing my cash away for Lizzie to graduate from college debt free. I didn’t want her to deal with student loans for thirty years like I had to. I could use that money to pay my own student loans, but I would rather give her a head start in life.

  We arrived at my apartment building, and I turned to say goodbye. “I’ll—”

  “Baby, I’m walking you to the door.”

  I hated taking up more of his time when our night was ending prematurely because of my obligations. But I didn’t argue with him.

  We reached my floor and walked down the hallway until we were at my front door, my heels clapping against the hard tile. I turned to him to say goodnight, holding her food with both hands so I didn’t have any way to embrace him.

  He did the work for me. His arms circled my waist, and he gave me a quick kiss on the lips. “Goodnight, baby.”

  I wanted to do more, to go home with him and sleep through the night, side by side. I couldn’t give him that at all, and I had no idea when I could. “Goodnight…”

  Because the universe hated me, my mom opened the front door like she intended to go across the hall and retrieve something from the apartment she shared with my father. She looked surprised, like she had no idea we were standing there.

  My heart dropped to the floor.

  Surely, Derek must have assumed this was a possibility when he walked me to my apartment door, so he should have been prepared for it.

  My mom stared at him for a few seconds, like she couldn’t believe he was that attractive in real life.

  I couldn’t believe it either, every single day.

  I didn’t expect Derek to do the talking because I knew he struggled with basic social interactions, so I spoke first. “Mom, this is—”

  “Derek Hamilton.” He extended his hand. “Lovely to meet you.”

  My mother shut the door behind her like she didn’t want Lizzie to overhear. She took his hand and gave it a quick shake. “You too, Derek. I wish I could say I’ve heard so much about you, but Emmy is pretty tight-lipped about…”

  “Mom.” With just a word, I told her to chill out and not make this into something it shouldn’t be. I tried to hand her the food so she would have something else to focus on. “How about you give this to Lizzie—”

  “My daughter and granddaughter come as a set. So, if you want to be my daughter’s man, you should step up and be a man and—”

  “Mom.” I couldn’t believe she’d just said that, just blurted it out so inappropriately. “Go inside and give this to Lizzie.” Now I was furious my mother would have an outburst like this when it was the first time I’d had a serious relationship with a man since Lizzie was born. Why would she risk losing that?

  Derek handled the situation remarkably well and rebounded quickly. “I’m sure I’ll meet Lizzie soon. With everything Emerson has shared with me, she sounds like a very bright young girl.”

  My mom stared him down like that wasn’t good enough as she took the food from me. “Hurt my daughter, and I’ll hurt you.” She stormed inside and kicked the door shut behind her.

  My hands immediately covered my face in raw humiliation. “Oh my fucking god… This is why I don’t want you to walk me to my door—”

  “Baby.” With confidence in his voice, he grabbed my wrists and gently pulled them down so I would look at him. “It’s fine. I will continue to walk you to your door, regardless of your mother’s reception. She can’t scare me away, alright?”

  That was not what I expected him to say…at all. “My mother is really a lovely person. She’s not like that…”

  “She’s protective of you. I get it. From what I’ve gathered, I sound like your first real relationship, so this is the first time she is going through this scenario. You’re the most selfless person I know, always taking care of everyone else, and she wants you to have the best. I don’t blame her.” He looked into my eyes with that confident gaze, like this event wouldn’t change a single thing between us, like he wasn’t going to get pissed off at me again and stop talking to me.

  I didn’t know what to say. It was the first time the scenario had been flipped, when he knew what to say and I was completely stumped. “I’m still sorry that she spoke to you like that when you don’t—”

  “Baby, it’s okay.” He cupped my cheeks and gave me another kiss. “Goodnight.”

  He made me feel better, took the stress off my shoulders, thought about my feelings and disregarded his own. “Goodnight.”

  He walked down the hallway and took the stairs.

  I sighed before I stepped inside the apartment.

  Lizzie was already eating on the couch, scarfing down her greasy food and milk shake. “Man, this is sooooo good. Way better than—”

  “Lizzie.” Even though my mom had just pissed me off, I didn’t want Lizzie to disrespect her grandmother.

  Lizzie continued to watch TV as she ate her fries out of the bag.

  I faced my mom, giving her a cold stare.

  She knew I wouldn’t say anything in front of Lizzie, so she kissed her granddaughter goodnight then walked into the hallway.r />
  I let her leave and knew I should just let this go.

  But nope. I never let anything go.

  I went after her and shut the door behind me. “Mom, what the hell was that?”

  She spun back around. “Why does he deserve to risk nothing when you have to risk everything? You have a daughter. You’re always going to have a daughter. If he really wants to be with you, he should be hustling his ass to be with both of you. He doesn’t deserve to drop you off clandestine-style and then just leave—”

  “Mom, this is not uncommon. People see if they’re serious before they expose their children to a new person. I’m protecting Lizzie by making sure this is the real deal before I let her get attached. So, stop blaming him.”

  The fire dwindled in her eyes.

  “I don’t want to rush anything until we’re both ready. And frankly, it’s none of your business, Mom.”

  “It is my business when I’m the one watching her—”

  “Then I’ll get a babysitter,” I snapped. “But we both know you don’t want that. Don’t sabotage my relationship. Don’t speak to him like that. He’s a great person. You have no idea.”

  “Exactly. I have no idea.”

  I sighed. “We’ve only been dating for like six weeks. I wouldn’t introduce him to my parents this soon anyway.”

  “But you met his?” she challenged.

  “That was his decision—”

  “Emmy.” She held up her hand. “He introduced you to his friends tonight. First, his family and now his friends—and you still don’t bring him around. Why? Are you embarrassed of us? You think if he meets Lizzie, he’ll leave?”

  “Of course I’m not embarrassed—”

  “Then what?” she demanded.

  “I just… He’s a really gifted person—”

  “Yes, I already know this.”

  “So, conversations and social situations aren’t as easy for him as they are for us. I just want him to interact with Lizzie in the right way, when he’s ready to do that, when I’m ready to do that.”

  “He seemed fine just now.”

  “Yes, I was shocked. But I knew he did that for me because he doesn’t want to lose me. Mom, he really cares about me. He wants to be with me, no matter what. So, let us grow this relationship on our own terms. Don’t provoke him or disrespect him like he’s a teenage boy who knocked me up. This is a grown-ass man.”