The Man Who Has No Love (Soulless Book 3) Read online

  “And I thought we could go back-to-school shopping afterward. I’ve downloaded a list of supplies he’ll need. Of course, I can just pick it up for you, but I thought it might be fun to take Derek to personalize everything. It’ll teach him how to prepare himself for future endeavors.”

  “Yeah, he’ll love that.” He kept eating.

  I’d successfully sidestepped a really terrible conversation.

  He finished his food and wiped his plate clean. “It’s crazy to think he’s just a few floors above me… Makes me feel better.” He paused for a moment before he gathered the plates and carried them into the kitchen.

  I felt guilty for misleading him, but since I had his best intentions at heart, I brushed it off.

  He turned and refilled our glasses before he shoved the cork back into the bottle. “What’s my girl been up to?” He took his seat again.

  I loved every affectionate name he called me. They were all wonderful. “Just busy, as usual. I’ve got a lot of clients to juggle, and it seems like they always need something.”

  “They didn’t need so much until they met you. You make their lives so simple, and it’s addictive.” He took a drink then licked his lips. “I’m speaking from experience…”

  I smiled. “You’re a pretty easy client, to be honest.”

  “Because I’m sleeping with you,” he teased.

  “No. You were a great client before you gave my P some D.”

  He laughed into his glass, spilling a few drops onto the table, finding it funny because it sounded exactly like something Tucker would say. He grabbed the cloth napkin and wiped his mouth, still chuckling slightly. “Fuck.”

  I loved seeing him laugh like that, seeing all his teeth as he displayed that enormous grin. Nothing made me happier than seeing him happy, seeing that light fill his eyes with joy.

  He rubbed his fingers along his jawline, catching the last drop, before his smile faded away. “I have to tell Tucker you said that.”

  “You should.”

  He chuckled again.

  I finished my wine and left the glass on the table, tired from the long day I’d had and dreading the next one. I loved my job, but sometimes I wished the hours weren’t so long, weren’t so crazy, more like a nine-to-five job. But the kind of services I provided made it inherently impossible. In my heart, I knew I could never go to part time even if I wanted to, because my boss needed someone to put in the insane hours, someone willing to go above and beyond. The job came with a great salary for a reason. Not just anyone could afford a one-bedroom apartment in Manhattan as a single person. But I’d never done the job for the money. I did it because I liked it, and liking it was what made me so successful.

  “You’re tired.”

  I shifted my gaze back to his, losing track of how much time had passed. “It’s been a long day…”

  “I can get you home.”

  “No, I don’t want to leave.” That was the last thing I wanted. I hadn’t seen him in days. Even sleep deprived, I’d rather be with him than asleep in my own bed.

  He finished off his wine. “Then let’s have sex and go to sleep.”

  I chuckled. “So romantic.”

  His arms scooped under me, and he lifted me to his chest as he carried me to his bedroom.

  My arms circled his neck as I held my face close to his, a soft smile on my mouth, my eyes on his lips. It was romantic, having someone who lifted me so effortlessly, who was happy having simple, monogamous sex then falling asleep directly afterward, having a man who was satisfied with me, who didn’t care how late I worked or how little time I had to spend doing other things. He never complained about my job, never asked me to make a sacrifice, and he was just as devoted to his work as I was to mine.

  He laid me on the bed before he dropped his bottoms. His hands went to my body next, stripping off each piece of clothing, getting me down to my bare skin before he moved on top of me, his dick just as hard as if I were in lingerie. His lips were on mine in a heated embrace as his hand dug into my hair, moaning once we were combined together, once he felt me as deep as possible.

  My nails hooked into his back as my thighs squeezed his hips, my body folded to take his length as deep as possible. I lay there as he did all the work, and I enjoyed it as he breathed against my ear so I could hear his amplified arousal as he tugged on my hair.

  He made love to me in a way a man had never done before, with his eyes on me, really seeing me, really connecting with me. He didn’t shy away from the depth of my feelings, when I’d basically told him I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. His feelings didn’t change because they were so innate, so powerful. He was just as devoted to me, just as committed, as ever.

  Four

  Deacon

  I had just finished lunch when Cleo walked inside with Derek.

  Derek was in jeans and a polo shirt, looking more dressed up than usual. He preferred shorts and a t-shirt, usually something with his favorite superhero or insect. He ran to the dining table. “Hey, Dad.”

  “Hey, little man.” I patted him on the head before I pulled out the chair for him. “Let’s have lunch before we go.”

  He crawled into the chair. “I’m not hungry.”

  “Too bad.” I turned to Cleo, who was dressed in a black pencil skirt with a tight white blouse tucked into the waistband. She didn’t wear a lot of black, and when she did, she looked sexy as hell. It was hard to look at her and not kiss her, even though we’d done it for six months. Now, it felt so odd to greet her with a simple look like she was a friend…when she was the woman I fucked almost every night.

  She gave me a gentle smile, as if she understood the struggle.

  Derek looked down at his plate and sighed. “I’d rather stay with you than Mom, but…I hate your food.”

  I chuckled and patted him on the shoulder. “I want you to be big and strong someday.”

  Cleo came to my side. “Hey.”

  I turned to her. “Hey.” Deacon couldn’t see us because he was poking his food with his fork, like his chunks of broccoli were alive.

  Her hand discreetly went to mine, and she gave it a gentle squeeze.

  I squeezed hers back.

  She moved to the other chair, directly across from me, and folded her napkin into her lap. “Wow, this looks good.”

  Derek raised his head and looked at her like she was crazy.

  His shocked expression made me chuckle. “You’ll like it more as you get older.”

  “Yuck.” He put the vegetable into his mouth and cringed the entire time he chewed.

  I ignored his silent protest. “Are you excited, Derek?”

  He shrugged, his mood abruptly different.

  I exchanged a look with Cleo before I looked at him again. “What’s on your mind, little man?”

  He shrugged again. “I don’t have any siblings…not sure how to get along with people.”

  “Well, the other kids in your class will be smart like you,” I said. “So, you’ll have lots of stuff in common.”

  “You think?” he asked hopefully.

  “Absolutely. I know you’re nervous, which is normal, but it’ll pass.” I didn’t eat as quickly as I usually did because I was too busy watching and conversing with my son.

  “What if I’m not as smart as the other kids?” he whispered.

  I almost laughed. “You will be, Derek. You may not be the smartest, and that’s okay. It’s not a competition, but you’ll definitely be at a competitive level with your peers.”

  “Will they like to build rockets?”

  “I’m sure,” I said. “I’m sure they’ll be as fascinated by the things that fascinate you.”

  He turned back to his food, eating a little quicker.

  Derek was definitely gifted, but he didn’t possess arrogance, which was a blessing. He didn’t walk into a room and think he was the best at everything. He wasn’t interested in holding the highest spot in any category. All he cared about was fitting in, being normal. />
  Cleo watched our interaction, her eyes mostly on Derek, affection in her gaze.

  She was so good with Derek that I knew she would be a great mother herself…whenever that day came. She was warm and loving, full of affection and kindness. She wasn’t a scientist or a mathematician, but she had great qualities most people didn’t have. Those skills were just as important as empirical intelligence. I knew that from experience, because if I had her gifts, I would get through life much easier.

  We entered the school and the building where the meeting would take place. I was in a charcoal gray suit, wanting to represent my son in the most professional way possible. He was nervous to start school, and I was nervous for this meeting, because I was so bad at dealing with people, especially strangers.

  We sat on the bench in the hallway, Derek between us, his legs dangling over the edge. He looked up and down the hallway, examining the grounds where he would be every single day starting this fall.

  Cleo looked at me as if she knew I was nervous, but she didn’t say that in front of Derek.

  I turned to her, giving her a faint smile to tell her I was fine.

  Then the door opened. “Hello, Dr. Hamilton.” In black jeans and a blouse with heels, the school counselor stepped into the hallway. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

  I rose to my feet and shook her hand. “The pleasure is mine, Dr. Cunningham.”

  She smiled then kneeled. “And this must be Derek.”

  Derek hopped off the bench and extended his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

  She smiled and returned the gesture. “Wow, what impressive manners. Are you excited to start school?”

  He shrugged. “I guess I’m kinda scared…”

  “Aww.” She moved her hand to his shoulder and gave him a squeeze. “No reason to be scared. This is a great learning environment with sweet kids just like you. You’re going to love it, Derek.” She rose to her full height then dressed Cleo next. “Your son is so adorable.”

  Cleo paused for a moment, her eyes full of affection, like that was a compliment she wanted to accept. She snapped out of it quickly. “Yes, he is adorable. But I’m actually Cleo, Dr. Hamilton’s assistant. You and I have spoken the phone a few times, and thank you so much for allowing Derek to be a student here. We’re very grateful.” She shook her hand.

  “Oh, of course,” Dr. Cunningham said. “I should have recognized your voice. You sound very different from Valerie.”

  Because Valerie sounded like a bitch.

  “Please come into my office.” Dr. Cunningham walked in first then moved around her large desk to take a seat.

  The three of us stepped in and sat on the couch facing her desk, Derek in the middle again. I put my arm around his shoulders, reminding him I was there, that there was no reason to be nervous…even though I was a little nervous.

  “It’s such an honor to have you here, Dr. Hamilton,” she said. “When Cleo contacted us, I knew I had to grant Derek admission. My mother had a heart attack a few weeks ago. She lives in Brooklyn and went to the Deacon Hamilton Medical Center. I’m pleased to say she made a full recovery.” She smiled at me.

  I had no idea what to say to that. I didn’t fund the hospital. It wasn’t my idea to open it. They just called and asked to name their facility after me…and I agreed. It was an award I didn’t think I deserved, but I wasn’t going to be a dick and turn it down. “I’m happy to hear that your mother is doing well.”

  “Thank you,” Dr. Cunningham said. “It’s also an honor having you here because you’re the first parent to have a child enrolled in our school who has received a Nobel Prize.”

  Were we going to sit there and discuss all my accomplishments? I already hated talking about it, but now I was in a conversation I couldn’t sidestep. “I hope that’s inspiring to the other students.”

  “It definitely will be,” she said. “I think it would be wonderful if you came in for a lecture about your work. It would really inspire all our students.”

  “That would be awesome,” Derek said. “My dad is so smart and cool! He eats weird things, but he’s still the best dad ever.”

  Dr. Cunningham chuckled. “That’s sweet.”

  “I don’t eat weird things,” I corrected. “I just try to get Derek to eat well.”

  “Oh, I understand,” she said. “Trust me, the students complain about our food all the time.”

  It was another reason I wanted Derek to go here, because the school had a strong philosophy about nutrition, believing that the key to healthy development was fresh, organic, whole foods. On a regular basis, the students had organic broccoli, wild-caught salmon or organic, cage-free chicken with no preservatives, or a great vegan option. The meals were the biggest chunk of the bill for his private education.

  Derek bowed his head. “Aw, man…”

  Cleo chuckled. “It’s good for you, Derek.”

  “So, no chicken nuggets?” he asked Dr. Cunningham.

  She shook her head.

  He tugged on the sleeve of my shirt. “Dad, let’s go.”

  I laughed, along with everyone else, knowing my son had made a joke.

  Dr. Cunningham already seemed to be fond of him. “What do you like to do for fun, Derek?”

  He was quiet now that the attention was on him again. “Well…I like to color. I also like to build rockets and engines. One time I made one that crashed into the house, and Mom was soooo mad. And then Dad and I go to his cabin, where we fish and go hiking. It’s my favorite place in the world.”

  Cleo’s eyes softened because it was her favorite too.

  “That’s great, Derek,” she said. “I think you’re going to fit in nicely here.”

  “Yeah?” Derek asked. “Am I smart enough?”

  She chuckled. “I have no doubt that you are, judging from the notes I received from your pediatrician. And your father is a very brilliant man.”

  “Yeah,” Derek said. “My dad is my hero.”

  I closed my eyes as my heart skipped a beat. The love in my chest made my rib cage crack because my heart doubled in size. Raising a son in a bad marriage and then as a single father was difficult sometimes. It wasn’t all fishing and hiking at the cabin. There were times when he hated my discipline. But it made it all worth it when he said things like that. My father had been my hero too. He was a man of average intelligence, owning a construction company that gave us the income to have a great life. He could never connect with me on an intellectual level, but he still taught me everything he could, like how to build things with my hands, how to fish, how to jump-start a car…all kinds of skills. He was my hero because he did everything he could to make me feel normal.

  I squeezed Derek’s shoulder as I stared at him, knowing he had no idea what he’d said, would probably forget he’d ever said it when he was older.

  Cleo watched me, her eyes affectionate.

  Dr. Cunningham gave me a minute before she continued. “He’s a hero to a lot of people, Derek. And I’m sure you will be too—someday.”

  We went to the store so he could pick out the supplies he wanted, like notebooks, pens, folders.

  Derek took off to check out the backpacks. “Wow! Look at this one!” It had a pack of wolves on the back. “Or this one! It has a bear.” He kept looking through them, unable to decide what kind of design he wanted to sport at school.

  I watched him from the other side of the store, keeping my eye on him with Cleo beside me. I didn’t want to sway his opinion on the school supplies he wanted. I wanted him to make his own decisions.

  Cleo chuckled. “God, he’s so cute.”

  “I know.” Anytime I looked at my son, I felt so much pride. But I was sure every parent felt that way, regardless of how wonderful their child actually was. I was most proud of his good heart, how he was kind to everyone, including creatures that were at his mercy. I influenced him in that direction, but he chose to be that way, to respect the universe and life around him, to treasure the world rather than destroy it.


  “How did you feel about the meeting?”

  “Very happy.”

  “You handled yourself pretty well.”

  “Because I tried as hard as I could,” I said with a chuckle. “I didn’t want to embarrass Derek with my…whatever my problem is.”

  She gave me a slight smile. “I’m sure she’s dealt with parents who possess the same kinds of limitations. I have other clients who struggle to say what they mean, so I figure out their needs based on other things they do. She seems really intelligent, so I’m sure she would figure that out on her own.”

  I shrugged. “Maybe.”

  “I think it’s going to be a great place for Derek. The school is so beautiful, and if all the teachers are like Dr. Cunningham, then Derek is in great hands. He may not need his brilliant father to help him with anything.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “What?”

  “That I’m brilliant.”

  “But you are brilliant, Deacon.”

  “Yeah, but I don’t want to hear you say it.”

  She cocked an eyebrow.

  “I like that you like me for me…” When we were alone, she never asked me about topics I didn’t want to talk about, like my research, my aptitude scores, stuff like that. We talked about each other—or didn’t talk at all.

  “Deacon, I’d be lying if I said your brilliance wasn’t a huge turn-on.”

  My eyes narrowed on her face a little more.

  “Not that it means everything, but it’s definitely sexy.”

  Instead of being annoyed by her admission, I actually liked it. I wanted to know anytime Cleo was aroused by me, what she liked and didn’t like.

  Her hand moved to my arm, and she gave me a gentle squeeze. “Obviously, you’re hot, so…that’s a turn-on too. But your soul is what turns me on the most.” Her hand glided to my chest, right over my heart.

  Anytime she touched me, I felt hot everywhere. But right now, she made me feel something else.