The Man Who Has No Love (Soulless Book 3) Read online

  “Because your soul is so pure.” She dropped her hand and stared at me for a while, the sincerity in her eyes.

  Derek’s voice came to us. “Okay, I’m getting this one.” He ran to us, carrying his backpack.

  It was one of the few times when I wished my son would stay away. I yanked my gaze off her face and looked down at my boy.

  He held up the backpack. “What do you think?”

  It had a picture of a grizzly bear in the wilderness. “It’s nice, Derek.”

  “It’s like the cabin,” he said. “I mean, we haven’t seen a bear, but maybe soon!” He ran off again, expecting me to hold on to his stuff as he collected it.

  I hooked the backpack over my shoulder and turned back to Cleo.

  “I hope for all our sakes we don’t see a bear—”

  My hand cupped the back of her head, and I pulled her in for a kiss, my lips striking her warm mouth like an asteroid hitting the sun. I parted her lips and kissed her like we were alone together, giving her a bit of my tongue, a bit of my warm breath.

  Instead of pushing me away, her arms circled my waist, and she kissed me just as hard, forgetting about Derek as he picked out the things he wanted.

  I had to force myself to pull away, to remove my hand from her hair and step back. But the look in her eyes matched what I felt inside, the need, the desire. I’d never intended to make out with Cleo in front of Derek, but I did want Derek to see the way a man treated a woman, the way he showed affection, the way he took care of her. Because my marriage to Valerie didn’t show any positive qualities. He had no idea what a happy relationship looked like, what kind of woman to look for, and how to treat the woman he did find. My father loved my mother with everything he had, even when he didn’t say it or show it. It was obvious in the subtle things he did around the house, when we were out to dinner, all kinds of things. I wanted Derek to see that too.

  Cleo looked at me like she wanted the kiss to linger, but she let the touch dissipate.

  I dropped my hand. “What were you saying?”

  “Uh…” She shook her head. “I can’t remember.”

  Derek came back to us. “Dad, what’s this?”

  I looked down at the silver instrument. “A compass.”

  “No, it’s not.” He held it flat, like he was trying to find north.

  I chuckled. “A geometry compass. You don’t need that right now. Put it back.”

  “Alright.” He walked back to put it away.

  I turned back to Cleo. “Do you like the beach?”

  She stared at me blankly, like she didn’t understand the question. “In general, yes. But I can’t remember the last time I went to any beach, to be honest. Sometimes, I plan parties in the Hamptons for my clients and I can see the water, but my feet never hit the sand.”

  “I was thinking of buying a beach house in the Hamptons. Derek had a lot of fun last time we went.”

  She tilted her slightly. “It’s a great idea, especially as an investment. But honestly, I think Derek prefers the cabin. It’s different, unique, something he’s not used to.”

  “And what do you prefer?”

  She stared at me blankly.

  “It’s only forty-five minutes away, so it’s much closer. It’d be easy for us to get away.”

  Both of her eyebrows rose. “As romantic as that sounds, I’m happy just having you in my apartment. All I need is a bed…and the occasional burrito.”

  I chuckled slightly. “I thought it would be nice to have two places.”

  “Well, my heart is already pretty soft for the cabin…”

  As was mine. “Do you know of any properties available?”

  “Babe, shouldn’t you know by now that I can do anything?”

  My eyes narrowed at the nickname, which I enjoyed. “Babe?”

  “Sorry.” She glanced at Derek, who was out of earshot.

  “No, I liked it. Just never heard you say it before.”

  “Yeah…I guess it just came out.” Her cheeks had a beautiful rosy color to them, a blush that usually happened when we were in bed together. She obviously wasn’t on the verge of coming at the moment, so it must be a sign of a different emotion. “I’ll look into it. Is there something you specifically had in mind?”

  “Something on the sand. Distanced from neighbors. Privacy.”

  “Okay. Pool or anything?”

  “Not a bad idea. And an outdoor fireplace.”

  “Got it.”

  Derek returned with a bundle of things in his arms. “Look at all this stuff I picked out.”

  I nodded to the cart. “Put everything in there.”

  He dropped the stuff into the metal basket.

  I put his backpack in as well. “Remember, you’re going to have to carry all of this every day, so don’t get too much.”

  “Oh yeah.” He looked at the pile and picked a few things to return.

  Cleo smiled as she watched him go. “He’s been great today. Maybe we should take him somewhere fun after this.”

  “You have the time?”

  “Yeah…I already cleared my schedule.” She continued to watch him.

  “Any ideas?”

  “How about the movies? Or the arcade?”

  “I’ll ask him.”

  “Then we can go to dinner.”

  I nodded and watched Derek return with more supplies. “Hey, little man. Would you want to go to the movies after this?”

  “Really?” he asked. “Duh!”

  Cleo chuckled.

  “Anything you want to see?” I asked.

  “Something good.” Derek walked away and continued his shopping.

  “Sometimes, I forget he’s not an adult who can just pick out what he wants.” I pulled out my phone and looked through the selections. “There’s a couple kid movies. One starts in an hour.”

  “Perfect. And I’ll get a bag of popcorn.”

  “I thought we were having dinner after.”

  “I know.”

  I chuckled, loving how cute she was. “I’ll buy you a big bag. It’s the least I can do after what you’ve done today.”

  “What I’ve done today?” she asked incredulously. “You didn’t need me, Deacon. The only reason I’m here is because I wanted to be.”

  Cleo sat beside me in the theatre, while Derek was on my other side. He usually sat between us, the way he did with Valerie and me, but I’d purposely let him sit first so I could manipulate the seating arrangements.

  So, I could hold Cleo’s hand during the movie.

  Derek had his own small bag of popcorn, so he stuck his hand into the bag, getting butter all over his fingertips, and then placed the kernels into his mouth. Then he licked his fingers and did it over and over again.

  I had to remind myself he was a kid—and I should let him be a kid.

  Cleo’s hand was gripped in mine, our fingers interlocked. A big bag of popcorn was on her lap, so she dug her hand inside and placed the handful in her mouth throughout the entire movie.

  I was the only one who didn’t eat it.

  The movie was boring and predictable, but I was happy to be there…and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

  At dinner, Valerie texted me. Are you still out with Derek?

  I hated seeing her name on the screen. We’re at dinner.

  A little heads-up would have been nice…

  Taking him to his parent-teacher meeting would have been nice. Can he stay with me tonight? I hadn’t asked for him yet, trying to take it slow. But after spending the day with him, I wasn’t eager to give him up.

  Yeah, I guess that’s fine.

  I put the phone down and signed the bill in the folder. “Derek, Mom said you could stay with me tonight.”

  “Awesome!” He raised both fists into the air.

  The only bad thing about having him stay with me was Cleo couldn’t stay with me. But maybe one day she could.

  We left the restaurant and headed back to our building. The driver dropped her off fir
st before we headed to my condo. We took the elevator to my floor and then walked inside.

  It’d been a long day for Derek. He was tired but doing his best to stay awake.

  I put a movie on the TV in the living room and lay with him on the couch, knowing he’d fall asleep within the first half of the movie.

  Derek had a blanket pulled over his legs, and he leaned into my side with his knees to his chest.

  I’d skipped the office and didn’t get to work when I got home like I normally would. Having my son and Cleo around forced me to work less, but it didn’t bother me. I was definitely happier, so it didn’t make sense to regret it.

  “Dad?” Derek asked quietly.

  “Yes, little man?” My fingers moved through his hair.

  “Is Cleo my other mommy?”

  I stilled at his question, not expecting him to say something so unexpected. My fingers left his hair. “Why do you ask that?”

  “Because when moms and dads break up, they find new people…and those people become other moms and dads, right?”

  “Stepparents, yes.”

  “Well, is she my stepmother?” He shifted away so he could look up at me.

  “No, she’s not. Why would you think that?”

  He shrugged. “I saw you holding hands at the movies…”

  I guess it wasn’t dark enough to hide our affection.

  “And I saw you kiss…” He giggled, like it was something to be embarrassed by.

  Shit.

  “It was gross,” he said with a laugh.

  Damn, kids picked up on stuff quick.

  How did I handle this? “When a parent gets remarried, the person they marry becomes a stepparent. Cleo and I aren’t married.”

  “Are you going to marry her?”

  “Maybe…someday.”

  “Ooh…”

  “Derek, I need you to do me a big favor.”

  “Okay.”

  “Don’t mention this to Mom.”

  Now, he looked confused.

  “I just… It makes my life a lot easier if you don’t say anything.”

  “Why?”

  I shrugged. “You know how Mom makes me sad?”

  He nodded.

  “She would make me really sad if she knew.”

  “But why? Cleo makes you happy. I love Cleo.”

  I smiled. “It’s complicated. But I’m glad that you like her so much.”

  “She’s awesome. She makes me happy.”

  “Yeah, I know.” I patted his head.

  “I’ll keep your secret, Dad.”

  “Thanks, man.”

  “How long do I have to keep it?”

  I felt like an asshole asking my son to lie for me. What kind of father did that? But I had to protect Cleo until I moved out of the building. Her job meant a lot to her, and I’d feel like shit if she lost it because of my jealous ex. “For a while. I’ll let you know when it’s not a secret anymore.”

  “Okay, Dad.”

  Five

  Deacon

  Like always, she knocked on the door before she stepped inside.

  I was at the dining table, my laptop and papers in front of me. I looked up the second I heard her come inside. “Hey, baby.”

  I loved seeing her walk in the door, like she was coming home after a long day instead of entering my condo as my assistant. “Hey.” She reached the table and set down her things.

  I got out of my chair and greeted her, hooking my arm around her back and pulling her in close for a kiss. It was a hot embrace, because I hadn’t seen her in days. My hand slid to her ass, and I gave it a squeeze before I pulled away.

  “I like it when you grab my ass.”

  “Good. Because I wouldn’t stop even if you didn’t.” I returned to the table. “I have some leftovers in the kitchen if you’re hungry.”

  “No, I’m fine.” She sat down and looked at the papers in front of her.

  I continued to stare, because I knew she had something to say. “So, I’ve found you a place.” I knew she hated this so deeply, letting me uproot my life for her, but there was just no way around it. There would never be a scenario where I could live in the building and openly carry on a relationship with her.

  “Alright.”

  She handed me the folder. “The square footage is similar. It’s got a great view. It’s been recently renovated, so it’s got brand-new appliances, hardwood floors, et cetera. It’s just a few blocks from here, so you’ll still be close to Derek.”

  I took the folder and looked at it without reacting, flipping through the papers and reading the features.

  “I’m sorry…” I could tell she hated this.

  “It’s alright.” I kept flipping through until I was done. Then I set it down. “I’ll take it.”

  She studied my gaze. “You don’t like it.”

  I shrugged. “It’s good enough.”

  “I want you to love where you live.”

  “Honestly, anything other than this place is a step down. But it’s comparable enough.”

  She took the folder back and returned it to her pile. “I’ll keep looking.”

  I watched her and I could imagine the guilt she felt, as if we were doing something wrong. “As long as I have you, I don’t give a damn where I live. The place is great. I’ll take it.”

  “Tell me what you don’t like about it so I can do better.”

  I sighed.

  “Come on, please.”

  I was quiet for a while, looking out the window. “Kitchen is too small. I’ve got a lot of appliances since I cook all the time. It needs to face the opposite direction because I want to see the sunset, not the sunrise. None of the bedrooms are big enough for my private gym.” He didn’t look at me, like he hated complaining.

  She didn’t take it personally. “I’ll keep looking.”

  I turned back to her. “Even if we never find the perfect place, I’m okay with relocating. Don’t feel bad about that.”

  “It’s hard not to.” Her voice dropped. “I know you love it here.”

  I did it love it there. It was the perfect location, the perfect view, the perfect everything. “But you’re the reason why I love it.”

  Her eyes softened.

  “Any luck with an assistant?”

  She cringed. “No…”

  I knew she would get me someone great, someone who would bend over backward to make my life easy. But maybe that wasn’t so simple after all.

  “It’s hard to find the right person, someone good enough for you.”

  “What about Lily?”

  She shook her head. “She’s good for simple tasks for your mother, but I think she would annoy you.”

  “Everyone annoys me.”

  “That’s why this is so hard.”

  No matter who she picked, it would be a major step down…since she was the best. “As long as they can do most things well, I’m fine with that. I’m not expecting another you.” There wasn’t another her in the entire world. She added significant value to the building. It was the reason it was so hard to get in here, to have a professional like Cleo to make resident’s lives simpler.

  “Well, none of them come close.”

  I was sacrificing my prime piece of real estate and the woman who made my life convenient. It was hard to give up, but she was worth it. I didn’t know what was in our future, but I hoped she would be in it…for a long time.

  She slouched in the chair, like she really did feel terrible about the predicament she’d put me in.

  “Baby?”

  She turned to me.

  “I wouldn’t have offered if I weren’t okay with it.”

  “I know…”

  “Then don’t worry about it.”

  “It’s just… It’s so sweet. You never get upset with me when I work long hours, when I don’t see you for days. You’re so understanding. My ex was always pissed off at me because I was never around…” She dropped her gaze, like she couldn’t look at me as she said it.


  “I’m devoted to my work as well. That’s probably why it works for us.” Whenever I wasn’t with her or Derek, I was working, except for the occasional visit with Tucker or my mother. If she was busy and unavailable, I utilized that time to get tasks accomplished.

  “Yeah…I guess so.” She lifted her gaze and looked at me again.

  I watched her for a while, loving her ocean-blue eyes. “Derek knows about us.”

  The serene look on her face was wiped clean. “What?”

  “He saw us hold hands at the movies.”

  She covered her face. “Oh no…”

  “And saw us make out at the store.”

  “What?” she shrieked, slamming her hands onto the table.

  “Yeah.” I grinned.

  “Why are you smiling?”

  “Because he said you make me happy…and you make him happy.”

  “Aww…”

  “Asked if you would be his stepmom.”

  “What a sweetheart.”

  “I asked him not to tell Valerie. I think he’ll keep our secret.”

  She nodded. “He will. He kept my secret.”

  “You told Derek a secret?”

  “Yeah…” She smiled slightly. “He said he knew I liked you…and I asked him not to tell you.”

  He was really fond of me, so he was a great secret-keeper not to say anything. “Then our secret is safe.”

  “Yeah, I think so.” She propped her chin on her knuckles and watched me, her body relaxing again. “So, I looked into properties in the Hamptons. Found a couple.”

  “Yeah?”

  She looked through her folders until she found the papers. She placed them in front of me. “They’re all beautiful.”

  I didn’t look—because I didn’t care about the beach house right now. I only cared about her, the beautiful woman who had made my son fall in love with her, the woman who confided her feelings to him because they had their own relationship, their own friendship. I’d never considered getting remarried, but if I did, I knew Derek would have to love her too—and she him. Cleo definitely checked that box, and it was obvious it was real, that she didn’t just bond with him to get under my skin.

  It was genuine.

  She waited for me to look down. “Have you changed your mind?”