The Boy Who Has No Belief (Soulless Book 7) Read online

He took it then looked at step two. “Write down their name and a short message. Here’s an example—Thanks for being a cosmic fan…” He looked back at me again, like that line was absolute garbage.

  “I know it’s corny, but it would be nice to write something besides their name. Can you think of something?”

  He considered the question for a moment before he uncapped his pen, smoothed the page, and wrote something down. Emerson, thanks for sticking with these characters to the edge of the galaxy and back. Then he added his signature.

  “Good,” I said with a nod. “Think of a couple more. That way, every single book doesn’t have the same message.”

  He didn’t complain before he slid the book back to me.

  “Thank you.” I took the book and set it in the crook of my arm.

  He stared again.

  “Look at the list.”

  He glanced at it before he turned back to me. “Thank you for coming.”

  I waved before I walked away. “Okay, let’s try that again. And just some constructive feedback, don’t look like you’re miserable to be there. That’s not a good vibe you want to give. And…maybe smile?”

  His stare was ice cold.

  “Derek, that’s all you have to do, and people will be happy.”

  “What if they ask me something weird?”

  “They won’t.”

  “People ask me weird shit all the time.”

  “Well, I’ll be there, and I can step in if necessary. But people are excited to see you. They aren’t going to do something to make you uncomfortable.”

  “What if they want to take a picture with me?”

  “Would that make you uncomfortable?”

  He shrugged. “I’m not photogenic.”

  “Not true. You have a beautiful smile.”

  He rolled his eyes.

  “I think you’ll loosen up when you stop stressing—and actually have a good time.”

  He stared down at the list before he folded it into quarters and slid it into his pocket.

  “Be you…and people will love you.”

  “Most people don’t love me.”

  “Well, I do,” I said immediately. “And if you share that piece of you with others, they’ll love you too.”

  He stared at me for several seconds, like he was affected by the words I’d so casually said. He probably didn’t take them literally because it was a figure of speech.

  But I meant them literally.

  “And when are you going to sign my books?”

  He leaned forward over the dining table and rested his arms on the surface. “I’ll get around to it…”

  “Because I’m your biggest fan, you know. Would love to display those proudly in my apartment.”

  He looked away and rubbed his jawline. “That’s not pressure at all…”

  “You work under pressure all the time. And as a result, you shine like a diamond.”

  We got to the bookstore early, before it even opened.

  And there was a line down the block and around the corner.

  Derek turned in his seat as we drove to the entrance, watching the line of people trail into the distance, wearing warm clothes to battle the fall chill as they waited for hours to see him. He faced forward again and released a deep sigh. “Jesus fucking Christ…”

  “It’s flattering.”

  “It’s daunting, that’s what it is.”

  “How many authors would be over the moon if they saw a line like that?”

  “If they were a normal person and not an asshole, I imagine they’d be thrilled.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You are not an asshole, Derek.”

  As if he didn’t believe me, he just shook his head.

  Ronnie pulled over to the curb, and we got out. I carried my essentials inside, and when Derek passed the people in line at the door, they immediately started to scream when they saw him.

  Derek ignored them and kept walking.

  I came closer to him and spoke so only he could hear. “Smile and wave. Now.”

  He did as I asked, being quick about it before he darted inside.

  The door was locked behind us, and we met the manager of the bookstore before we were guided to the table waiting for us, stacks and stacks of books on the tables behind him and team members from the publisher there too. The book wouldn’t release officially for a few weeks, so that made this signing even more exclusive.

  “See? Was that bad?”

  Derek shrugged.

  His mom and dad were already there, sitting at the table talking as they enjoyed their coffee. When Deacon noticed his son, the affection in his eyes was unmistakable, the same look I gave Lizzie when all she did was smile. He rose from his chair and opened his arms to embrace his son. “Little man…” He hugged his son hard before he pulled away. “You look unhappy.”

  Derek shrugged. “It’s just…a lot.”

  Deacon patted him on the shoulder and gave a nod. “Yeah, I understand. Your mother tells me that a smile goes a long way, so whenever you don’t know what to say, just smile.” He rubbed his back as he comforted him.

  It was sweet to see them together, father and son, both gifted and awkward, knowing the other understood the situation better than Cleo and I did. It made me happy to know Derek had someone who got him in a way I never could.

  Cleo moved in next and gave her son a long hug, still shorter than him even in her rocking heels as she hugged him tight. “This is so exciting. I’m so proud of you, honey. I can’t believe my son is this hotshot author and has a line around the block of fans eager to meet him.”

  Derek dropped his gaze like he didn’t know what to say.

  She squeezed his arms before she kissed him on the cheek.

  My god, they were so cute.

  Deacon turned to me. “Thanks for getting him to do this.” He circled my waist with his arm and gave me a hug. “I’m sure you had to talk him into this…quite a bit.”

  “Just a little.”

  He smiled before he patted me on the back, giving me the same affection he did Derek, like he fully accepted me as a member of his family without my having to do anything at all to earn it.

  Cleo hugged me next. “You look so beautiful, Emerson.”

  “You can call me Emmy.” Derek was the only person who called me Emerson, and I never corrected him because I preferred baby instead. “Friends and family call me Emmy, so…”

  She smiled. “I like that better anyway.”

  Derek sat at the table, looked at the books stacked around him, and gave a deep sigh. “How long is this going to take?”

  I moved behind him and massaged his shoulders. “All day.”

  “Oh fuck…” He rubbed his hand across his jawline before he unfolded his list and set it on the table beside him.

  “You’ll be fine. I know you will.” I moved to his side and stroked the back of his neck as I looked down at him.

  He sighed before he turned his face into my stomach, his thick arm wrapping around the backs of my legs, and he just held me like that, like that was the only thing that could bring him comfort in his anxiety-induced state. He didn’t hesitate to show affection in front of his parents. It was as if he didn’t care.

  I continued to rub the back of his neck, feeling his parents staring at us, trying to suppress the smile on my lips.

  The doors opened, and the fans were lined up twelve feet away so Derek wouldn’t be overwhelmed with people too close to him. The first person in line was a young woman with three books in her hand, smiling in excitement as she stared at Derek.

  Derek looked like he was going to be sick.

  I sat beside him and rubbed his arm. “Don’t be nervous. It’ll be fine.”

  “There’s like five thousand people staring at me right now…”

  “At us,” I said. “You aren’t alone.”

  Just before they opened the rope, Deacon handed the person his ticket to indicate he had purchased a book in advance, grabbed a book off the stack,
and then walked to the front of the line, cutting in front of the woman who had probably arrived at five in the morning just to secure her place in line.

  Derek stared at him, confused.

  Then Deacon approached the table and extended the book, wearing a slight smile on his lips. “I’d be honored if you signed my book, little man.”

  Derek hesitated before his eyes filled with affection. A smile followed. Then he took the book, opened the cover, and then signed it.

  To: My Hero.

  To: My Best Friend.

  To: The Best Dad in the World.

  Love,

  Little Man

  Deacon stilled when Derek handed it back to him, as if he had no idea how to react to what his son had written to him. He eventually took the book and stared at the cover, like he was thinking about what his son had written. Then he looked at Derek, clearly at a loss for words, his eyes slightly wet, and then gave his son a nod before he stepped away for the first fan to approach.

  Derek was a bit quiet at first, like he needed a chance to internalize the profound moment he’d just shared with his father.

  It made my own eyes a little wet and not because I was a parent, but because that was one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen. My hand went to Derek’s arm, and I gave him a squeeze before I nodded to the first person.

  She walked up, stared at him with a big smile, and then put the three books in front of him. “Oh my god, I soooo love you. You’re my favorite writer. I’ve read these books, no joke, like ten times. I can’t wait until the next one comes out.” She handed him the first book with the sticky note on top.

  Derek stared at her for a few seconds before he smiled. “Thank you.” He grabbed the book and pulled it closer so he could open the cover and sign. “It’s nice to meet you.” He put the pen to the page and started to sign.

  “And I watched your TED Talk too,” she added. “You’re using your brilliance to further humanity, and I find that so inspiring. You’re such a good person, and it makes me strive to be a better person too.”

  He stilled, in the middle of his sentence, then looked up to meet her gaze. Silence passed like he had no idea how to respond to that compliment. “I… That means a lot to me.”

  “Would it be too much to ask for a picture?”

  “No,” he said immediately. “Just let me finish signing these…” He signed all three books, plus the new one she’d preordered, before he placed them at the edge of the table.

  I left my chair and pulled out the one beside him. “Take a seat. If you give me your phone, I’ll do it for you.”

  She fumbled with her phone before she got it into my hands, a rush of nervousness that made her clumsy. Under her breath, she whispered, “Oh my god, oh my god…” Then she fell into the chair beside Derek and grinned like it was the happiest day of her life.

  Derek sat beside her and smiled but didn’t touch her.

  I motioned with my arm, telling him to put his arm around her.

  Without having an attitude about it, he did it. The smile he wore was genuine, like that single encounter meant as much to him as it did to her.

  I took the picture and handed the phone back to her.

  “Thank you so much.” She took the phone after leaving her seat and gathered her books before she waved and walked away.

  Derek watched her walk away. “Thank you for coming to see me.”

  I returned to the chair beside him and rubbed his back. “See? You’re loving this.”

  “Yeah.” He waved for the next person to approach. “Not so bad…”

  Derek had a great time, just like I thought he would.

  Hours passed, and he only took a short break to use the restroom, get some water, and have a snack, and then he was back to signing books, and the line continued because people continued to show up.

  It was remarkable.

  He’d just finished signing some books for a young man and his mother and said goodbye when he stilled at the sight of the next person in line. He stared for a while, his entire body rigid and tight.

  I looked at the young man standing there, wearing a handsome smile, with dark hair and brown eyes. He held up his book before he crossed the space between the line and the table and approached Derek.

  Derek watched him, a slight smile moving onto his lips.

  When the man came closer, I recognized their similar features. There was no chance they weren’t related, so I assumed he was Derek’s brother.

  He set the book on the surface. “Sign that, asshole.” He seemed to be in his early twenties, considerably younger than Derek. But he was just as handsome, having a brightness in his eyes that Derek didn’t possess. Cleo’s features were in his face, even though he had his father’s eyes.

  Derek opened the front page and signed it.

  Dex,

  You’re an asshole.

  Love,

  Your bigger asshole brother

  Dex smiled like he appreciated the signature. “Good. I’m glad you didn’t write anything too serious about loving me and shit.”

  “I would have to love you in the first place in order to write that.” Derek slid the book back.

  Dex chuckled then pulled out his phone. “Can I get a picture? You know the folks will love it.”

  “It’ll go on the mantle over the fireplace forever. Are you sure we should subject ourselves to that?”

  He shrugged. “I think it’s unavoidable.”

  Their interactions were amusing, especially since it was so different from the relationship Derek had with his parents. They seemed to be friends more than family, which probably made their relationship stronger. “I’ll take it.”

  Dex pulled out his phone and handed it to me before he came around the table.

  “I’m surprised you’re in town,” Derek said as he watched his brother move around the table.

  “Well, I took a trip up.” He sat beside Derek. “Couldn’t miss my big brother’s first and probably only book signing.” He moved his arm around Derek’s shoulders and gave him a squeeze.

  Derek’s eyes softened like it meant a lot to him.

  I stood in front of the table and took a few photos. “Very cute…”

  “You hear that?” Dex asked. “Your assistant thinks I’m cute.” He nudged him in the side before he stood up.

  “My girlfriend thinks you’re cute,” Derek said. “Dex, this is Emerson. Baby, this is my brother.”

  Both of his eyebrows rose off his face. “Say whaaaaat?” His eyes shifted back and forth between us. “No way. You got this beautiful woman to put up with your shit?” Dex turned to me. “You know this guy is an asshole, right?”

  I smiled. “He’s not an asshole to me.” I extended my hand to shake his.

  He grinned as he gave me a firm grip. “Now it all makes sense.” He winked before he said goodbye to his brother. “I’ll see you later. You know, if you aren’t too much of a hotshot to have a beer with your brother.”

  “I’ll see how I feel…”

  Dex walked over to his parents off to the side and embraced them both. Deacon and Cleo smothered him with affection just like they did with Derek, squeezing him and giving him kisses on the forehead like he was still the little boy they remembered.

  Derek took a moment before he greeted the next person.

  “Your brother seems nice,” I said.

  “Yeah.” Derek glanced to his right, as if to make sure Dex was out of earshot. “He’s the best.”

  I grinned. “You don’t want him to hear you say that?”

  He shrugged. “I’m supposed to give him shit, not let him know how much I actually like him.”

  7

  Derek

  The signing ended when we ran out of books.

  There were still people in line, so I took a few pictures with them, signing random pieces of paper they had, even one girl on her arm…which was weird. I felt like a rock star, when I hardly listened to music in the first place.

  O
nce it was over, we packed up and prepared to leave.

  My dad came to my side and rested his arm against my back. “You did good today.”

  “Yeah, it wasn’t so bad.”

  He smiled and gave me a gentle pat. “Your fans really love you.”

  “Now I feel bad, taking so long to finish the next book.” Since I never made public appearances, I didn’t understand how much people valued my work. I got checks in the mail, but money meant nothing to me, so that wasn’t a good gauge.

  Emerson smiled as she walked up to me. “I have a feeling the next one won’t take nearly as long this time.” She moved closer to me and placed her hand on my cheek to turn my face toward her. Indifferent to my father standing right there, she leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. “I’m proud of you. Not surprised how well you did, but very proud.” She patted me on the chest before she stepped aside.

  The air was gone from my lungs once she moved away. My chin turned slightly to watch her leave, missing her perfume the second it was gone from my vicinity. I turned back to my dad, the spell slowly wearing off.

  He wore a wide grin but didn’t say anything.

  We left the bookstore and walked out onto the sidewalk, getting some fresh fall air after being inside all day. The red and brown leaves moved in the breeze down the sidewalk, and people tightened their coats as they passed us.

  “You guys want to get something to eat?” Dad asked. “I got hungry just watching you.”

  “Sounds like a good plan,” I said. “But only if I get to pick where we go.”

  Mom grinned wide. “Thank god.”

  Dad only looked amused. “That’s fair.”

  I turned to Emerson. “What do you want, baby?”

  She hesitated like the question was surprising. “Oh, you guys should go out together as a family, especially with your brother in town. I really don’t mind.”

  I gave her a blank look, not understanding that at all.

  My parents wore the exact same expression.

  Emerson stood there, like she had no idea what to do with all those stares on her face.

  I found the words. “You are family.” I probably didn’t say it in the perfect way, but that was the best I could articulate. She wasn’t my wife, but she was such an intricate part of my life. She wasn’t different from Dex or Ryan. She was…a part of me.