The Man Who Has No Sight (Soulless Book 4) Read online

  When he couldn’t find anything to say back, he turned around and walked off.

  Wise decision, bitch.

  It was unusual to have Derek at the condo during the week, and it changed our routine immensely. Deacon couldn’t always leave the office early to grab his son from school, so I left the office and took care of it myself.

  I greeted him outside the gates of his school and took him home.

  “Can we get ice cream?” he asked from his side of the car.

  I wanted to spoil him rotten but knew that wasn’t my right. “If I asked your father, what do you think he’d say?”

  He cringed. “No…”

  “Then no.”

  “Couldn’t we just not tell him?” he asked hopefully.

  “No,” I said with a chuckle. “Ice cream is a once in a while treat.”

  He groaned. “Man…”

  We arrived at the building, and I took him to the residence. He dropped his backpack and hopped on the couch to watch TV.

  I stepped away to call Deacon. “Hey, I just picked him up, and now he’s at home.”

  “Thanks. I’ll see you guys in a few hours.”

  Both of my eyebrows rose in surprise. “Uh…what does that mean?”

  “Is that a problem?” he asked, clearly confused.

  I didn’t mind watching Derek at all, even though I’d never really been alone with him except on a flight, but that wasn’t the problem. “Well…I’m working right now.” I worked long hours too, either at the desk or with clients. I could do emails and texts in the residence, but most of my time was spent physically doing tasks.

  “Oh…I’m sorry.” He sighed into the phone. “I…I didn’t really consider that.”

  If I’d known he needed me, I would have moved things around to accommodate Derek, but that wasn’t something I could do every day. If he expected this to happen every time he stayed at work for an extended period of time, we’d have a problem.

  “I can’t step away right now, Cleo.”

  I was a bit annoyed that he expected me to take care of Derek, that he’d forgotten I worked for a living, probably because I was a woman. He was used to me dropping everything for him, but childcare was such a strenuous job that I couldn’t juggle it too. That wasn’t my job anyway. If we were married, that would be different, but we hadn’t even talked about how to handle this. “I can take care of it. Don’t worry about it.” I eyed Derek on the couch, watching him watch TV. “But I can’t do this every day.”

  “Thank you,” he said. “We’ll talk when I get home.”

  “Is there anything I should be doing with him?” I knew how to entertain him on a flight, but day-to-day operations were foreign territory to me.

  “He can have a small snack, but he needs to work on his homework at the table. Afterward, he can watch TV.”

  “Alright. Bye.” I was about to hang up.

  “Thank you, Cleo,” he said quickly.

  “Yeah…no problem.”

  I had to cancel a lot of appointments at the last minute and ask Matt to cover for me. Deacon was gone really late, so I really couldn’t salvage the day at all. I worked on my laptop, but there was only so much I could do remotely.

  I made dinner for Derek and me, and when Deacon still wasn’t home, I got him ready for bed.

  Taking care of him was easy because he was a sweet boy. But I would have enjoyed it a lot more if I weren’t stressed about all the responsibility I’d shirked that afternoon. I was supposed to negotiate for a raise. Blowing off my job to take care of my boyfriend’s kid was not a good segue into that conversation. I’d never blown off anything before, unless I had the flu, so people assumed I was either dying or had a family emergency.

  Deacon walked through the door at almost eight in the evening.

  Derek was already asleep.

  He was in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt with his black coat on top. He took off his satchel, hung up his coat, and then walked to the dining table where he left his bag. Then he turned to me and kissed me, like a husband coming home to his wife. “Did you make dinner? I’m starving.”

  The question was a little offensive, but I tried not to let it get to me. I didn’t mind doing things for him like making dinner, but coming home late and asking for food without saying much else was a bit misogynistic. “Yeah, it’s in the fridge.”

  He grabbed the plate and put it in the microwave. “Sorry, I didn’t have lunch today.” He didn’t even wait for it to be fully heated before he pulled it out and grabbed a fork. He took a bite on the way to the dining table. “This is good.” He sat and scarfed everything down.

  Since he hadn’t eaten all day, I let his comment slide.

  “How was Derek?”

  I took the seat beside him. “Good. He did his homework then we had dinner. He’s already asleep.”

  “Thanks. I was in the lab all day.” He took big bites and shoveled the food into his mouth, his eyes on his plate most of the time.

  “I can always bring you lunch.”

  “I can’t eat in the lab, and I didn’t want to leave… It just happened.”

  I nodded.

  He finished everything then washed it down with the beer he took out of the fridge. Now that he’d been fed, he was much more relaxed, like he’d been hangry for just a few seconds. He ran his fingers through his hair then looked at me, turning apologetic. “Thank you for picking up Derek and watching him today. I’ve never had him on my own like this before. I’m not sure when Valerie is going to want him back… This is unprecedented.”

  I understood the situation. “Of course. I’m always here. But what are we going to do the rest of the week?”

  He shook his head as he sighed. “I’m not sure. I can’t leave early this week.” He kept his eyes on me.

  “Okay. Should we ask Valerie?”

  He considered the idea before he rejected it. “I don’t want Derek to be in that environment when she’s like this.”

  “Alright. I have a few nannies I could ask.” They took care of other clients in the building, and they could squeeze in some time to make this work.

  “I don’t want a stranger watching my son.” His answer was immediate, like he didn’t need to think about it.

  “Well, then you’re going to need to leave work.”

  “I just said I can’t do that.”

  Now I was starting to get pissy. “If you aren’t going to watch him, ask Valerie, or use a nanny, then what other option do you have?”

  He was quiet.

  “Because it sounds like you expect me to do it.”

  He grabbed his beer and took a deep drink. “I guess…I’m just used to you solving all my problems.”

  “And that’s true. But childcare is different.”

  “I understand that. But I guess I want you to watch him. You’re the only person I trust him with.”

  It was a sweet thing to say, and I tried to focus on that. “I appreciate that, but I have a job, Deacon. I already blew off a lot of important tasks today to accommodate you. I can’t do it again.” I would never expect him to do that, so why did he expect me?

  He studied me, his eyes narrowing. “It sounds like you’re mad.”

  “I am a bit frustrated…”

  He clearly didn’t understand.

  “Because I’m a woman, you expect me to drop everything to take care of your son.”

  “It’s not because you’re a woman—”

  “It seems that way. Why do you expect me to make that sacrifice instead of you?”

  “It’s not that I expect you to do anything.” His tone started to match mine. “I just want you to watch him. I want you to be the woman in his life.”

  “You’re basically asking me to be his mother…”

  “What’s wrong with that?” he asked, dead serious.

  “Deacon, we aren’t even married.” It was wrong to expect me to play housewife when his ex was being difficult. “This is your responsibility, not mine. I love Derek li
ke a son, but I have a career that requires my focus. I can’t just abandon my responsibilities because you can’t look after your son. You’re putting this on me…when it isn’t fair.”

  He looked away, clearly irritated. “That’s not how it is.”

  “It seems that way.” I tried to stay calm because I knew Deacon thought differently than other people, that he struggled to express his feelings.

  “You’re the person I trust most in the world. You’re the woman I want to be with my son. I meant that in a good way, not a piss you off kind of way.”

  “And I get that, but we never talked about that. You never asked me if I wanted that.”

  “I just assumed.”

  “And that’s the problem, Deacon. Don’t assume.”

  He leaned back in the chair and rubbed the back of his neck.

  “I don’t save lives or try to find the cure for cancer, but my job is still important to me.”

  “Never insinuated it wasn’t.”

  “But you assumed I would leave work for your son.”

  “No. I assumed you’d want to. That’s the difference.” He turned back to me. “I’m used to you going above and beyond for me all the time, and now I realize…that was a stupid assumption to make. I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t mean anything bad by it. I promise.”

  Now I felt bad for getting mad. “I know.”

  “I’m not going to lie. I like seeing you with Derek. I like knowing you’re the one with him—not someone else. You’re great with him.”

  “Well, he’s an easy kid.”

  “But I know you’ll do right by him, not just give him what he wants. I know you’re a good role model for him. You’re the kind of woman I want him to be around. You know, hardworking, honest, full of integrity…”

  My eyes lowered.

  “That’s what makes me happy…you picking him up from school.”

  “And that’s fine, but I have a career, Deacon.”

  He looked away, sighing quietly. “I didn’t think this through. With you, I don’t have to think.”

  “Well, maybe this week is just a fluke.”

  “I would like to have him longer than a weekend, though. I don’t mind him being here. I just can’t always leave work early.”

  “Then maybe you should consider a nanny. I can vet them really well for you until you find someone you’re comfortable with.”

  He didn’t look remotely interested in that. “I can move things around for the rest of the week. I’ll pick up Derek.”

  A lot of my clients had nannies. It was a way of life. My girls were good people who were passionate about their jobs, but Deacon obviously wanted to be a hands-on father. Though, he also wanted to be completely dedicated to his career. He was realizing that was impossible. “Okay.” Now it was quiet, the two of us sitting at the table in tense silence. Our weekend had been wonderful, with lots of romance and hot sex, and now it was bumpy again. I didn’t mean to make it that way, but I couldn’t give him what he wanted…this time.

  He turned back to me, his arms folded on the table. “You talk about wanting to have a family with me.”

  My heart raced when I heard what he said, unsure where that statement would go.

  “In that scenario, are you still working?”

  “I…I don’t know. I honestly haven’t thought that far ahead.”

  He watched me, his eyes absorbent, taking in my expressions like words.

  “Why?”

  “I imagine you being home with our kids. But I guess you feel differently about that.”

  “I love my job.”

  “But it’s long hours, weekends, and nights…” His eyes started to fill with accusation.

  “Well, your job has long hours, weekends, and nights.”

  He clenched his jaw tightly like he wanted to say something but swallowed it instead. “This conversation is pointless because it’s not our reality, but it’s unrealistic to have two parents who are both slaves to their jobs. Something’s gotta give. If we have a nanny, then neither one of us will ever spend time with them. It just wouldn’t make sense at that point.”

  I tried not to take offense to his words, to interpret them in a sexist way, but he was right. If I did want to have a family someday, I would have to step away from my job, at least for a few years. I couldn’t run around like crazy while I had a couple babies at home, being raised by a woman who wasn’t even their mother. If I didn’t want to spend time with them, why did I have them? And Deacon’s job was more important than mine at the end of the day.

  “We don’t have to have kids either,” he said. “If we’re fulfilled by our jobs, then it’s not necessary—”

  “No…I want to.”

  He studied me for a few more seconds before he nodded. “I’ve learned to step away from work and enjoy life, because of you. I’ve learned that, while I’m passionate about my work and fighting against the clock, there are more important things in life…like you guys. I’m not accusing you of feeling differently, but that’s something you might want to think about yourself.”

  I lowered my gaze, knowing I never did that with my ex.

  “I understand Derek is not your son, and it was unfair to assume you would take care of him in my absence. I won’t let that happen again. But if you ever change your mind…I’d like you to be the only person with him.”

  “What about your mother?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “I don’t want to burden her with babysitting. She already raised Tucker and me. It’s time for her to enjoy her life.”

  I smiled, finding that sweet.

  “And I don’t think she could handle watching him that much. She’s nice and nurturing, but she’s not as patient as she used to be. Honestly, you’re better with him than I am sometimes.”

  “Now, that’s just not true. You’re the best parent I’ve ever seen.”

  He shook his head. “I try to be better every day, but I always fuck up.”

  My eyes softened. “You only fuck up because you’re shooting for perfection…and you’ll never be perfect.”

  He stared at the table for a while, his eyes fatigued after the long day at the office. He didn’t always work insane hours like this, but it did come up at least once a week.

  It made me appreciate Valerie, because she was always able to take Derek. She rarely needed to drop him off so she could have her alone time. She didn’t have a job or any other responsibilities, but that made her an ideal parent. Giving Deacon the cold shoulder inadvertently proved how much work she did with Derek, even though that probably wasn’t her intention.

  He turned to me. “Are we okay?”

  It was our first domestic fight, and we handled it pretty well. Deacon was much better at understanding other people, self-monitoring his actions, and trying to see the perspective of the person on the other side of the argument. “We’re always okay, Deacon.”

  His hand moved to mine on the table, and he interlocked our fingers. “I hope that I didn’t jeopardize anything important at your job.”

  Yeah, a few things. “No.”

  “Have you talked to Kline about your raise?”

  I shook my head. “After this…I’m not sure if I should.”

  “You really think he’d find out about it?”

  Matt and Anna would never rat me out. It was the first time I’d blown off work for an illegitimate reason in…forever. My clients would forgive me too since it was so unlike me. “I just feel guilty asking for more money when I shirked my responsibilities to take care of my boyfriend’s son.”

  “I’m still a client, right? Maybe you can see it as prioritizing one task over another.”

  “Maybe. But I could have sent a nanny.”

  “I don’t want someone I’ve never met looking after my child. That’s reasonable.”

  “Yeah…”

  “Ask him. Even if he knew everything, you still deserve that raise.”

  I pulled my hand away from his and sighed. “Ugh, I’m so nervo
us. What if he fires me instead?”

  “Not going to happen.”

  “But it might piss him off, make him think I’m blackmailing him…”

  “Baby, that’s not what blackmail means.”

  “Whatever,” I said quickly. “I just got my job back, and everything is going well. I’m afraid to jeopardize it.”

  “I understand. But he should have given you raises a long time ago—and he knows it. He’s a cheapskate.”

  “I don’t know about that…”

  “I do,” he said. “Talk to him.”

  “I…I’ll think about it.”

  Deacon finally let it go. “I’m gonna shower and get to bed. I’m exhausted.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  “Maybe when I get out of the shower…you’ll be wearing something?”

  The smile that spread over my lips was uncontrollable. The blush that followed made me flush with heat. “I thought you said you were tired…”

  He got to his feet then moved his hand to my neck, forcing me to tilt my chin up so he could stare into my face. Then he leaned down and kissed me, a seductive kiss with tongue right off the bat. “I’m never too tired for that.”

  At lunchtime, I walked into the skyscraper, took the elevator to the right floor, and then checked in with the receptionist at the front. “Hi…” My confidence was gone because I felt so sick to my stomach. The nerves were so strong, I almost chickened out and bailed on the idea.

  She stared at me, her eyebrow raised. “Do you have an appointment or…?”

  “Actually, I’m a personal friend of David’s. Was wondering if I could talk to him for a sec?”

  “Umm.” She turned behind her and looked at the offices in the building. “I think he’s about to go to lunch right now.”

  At that very moment, he stepped out of his office and locked the door behind him. In a black suit with a fancy watch on his wrist, he’d definitely moved up in life since the last time we saw each other.

  And he wore a wedding band.

  I thought that would hurt—but it didn’t.